No Sex Zone!

In my last post I talked about the importance of knowing who you are in Christ and knowing how He sees you. I spoke of some of the bad decisions I made because I had no clue who I was in Him. Today I am going to discuss probably the biggest decision that I made that compromised my identity.

July something 2000 was a day that would change my life forever. If I thought about really hard I probably could remember the exact date but that is not necessary for the purpose of this post. It was the summer before my junior year of high school, I was madly in love and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. After much thought and discussions with him and my closest friends, I decided I was going to have SEX! The "good girl" and PC thing for me to say would be that it just happened, it was a mistake, I did not mean to do it but my goal is to always be authentic with myself and with my readers so I am not going to sugarcoat it, I made a very conscious decision to loose my virginity. I was not pressured and I did not feel like it was something I had to do. It was something I wanted to do and so I did it.

Now during this time I was going to church every Sunday and even helped to lead a bible study at my high school. However, not once did I consult God regarding my decision. Reason being, I was going to church and knew The Word I knew what He would say and I knew that the decision that I made was completely against His will for me. Nevertheless I went ahead with my decision and although the course of my life would be altered from that one seemingly small decision, in that moment I felt no ill effects. Everything was actually good. My boyfriend did not leave me after that. We actually stayed together for a year and a half and we all know in high school years that is like forever! I can honestly say that the only time that I felt it affected me was when there were some positions I desired in high school and when I did not get them my mind immediately went to my decision. I felt like God wanted me in those positions but because of my decision He could not put me there. But like any other teenager I shrugged it off and kept living my "happy" little life. 

The devil had me thinking that it was just sex and that it was purely physical but boy was I wrong. In reality what I was doing was freely giving away pieces of myself and taking on pieces of others'. "and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one - Mark 10:8. Those pieces had me in situations that I should not have been in many of which I mentioned in my previous post. I belittled myself to the point that I was thinking that because I loved him it was okay for me to accept his phone calls knowing that all that would come of it was sex. It was easy for me to look away from the pictures of her that were everywhere (even in the bathroom) and easy for me to be quiet when the phone rang but painful for me to hear him say those three words to her while he was laying next to me. But I loved him and it was only a matter of time before he would realize that it was me he wanted and not her. I wish I could type this and say that he was the only one that I chose to give myself to but unfortunately for me over the years there were others. For a long time I was so wrapped up in the love I had for him that I wish I could say I felt the same way about the others but no can do. There was a desire to fill the void left by my first decision. More accepting what was given without desiring more. More of knowing that I was not the only one. More of feeling why not me? The thought of what would happen if I say no? Feeling the need to please. Just a series of wrong thoughts and terrible advice until I was left feeling empty. ashamed, dirty, alone, dumb, stupid, heartbroken, confused. You name it and I felt it. I no longer recognized the girl in the mirror. I wanted so bad to cry out to God for help but I felt so unworthy and so far from him. Not yet being able to connect the dots that all of this was a result of of that one decision. 

But God in his faithfulness used my mom to call me one night to tell me that the Lord loved me. The seed she planted that night is growing into the woman I am today. The Lord began to work on me and I decided to make a change in my life. After my then boyfriend and I broke up I decided to take a break from guys and yes that included sex (still not yet making the connection). That was actually around the time God started to plant the seeds for this blog. I had no intentions or expectations during this break but it was during this time that I started to feel God pursuing me. However, after some time had passed I made a decision to rejoin the dating world. Although my vision was starting to clear it was not clear enough and fell right back into my old ways and found myself accepting and doing things that I should not have. One thing that God showed me was that I only made these poor decisions when sex was involved. When there was no sex my mind was so much more clear and I was able to see the guy for who he actually was and not what I wanted him to be.

During this time I moved to the DMV and I knew that I needed to be planted in a church. I just really felt the Lord tugging at me so once I got settled that became my focus. I found the church that I currently attend and from the moment I walked in the door I knew that something was changing. I really started seeking after God but the fact that I was still sharing my body with someone other than God was limiting my growth. I would hear my Pastor say over and over again that although we may have been baptized as a child, baptism should reflect out current walk with the Lord so I decided to get re-baptized. Once again what appeared to be a seemingly small decision would forever change my life but this time for the good. I came out of that water feeling like a new person. Like my old self was dead and Alkeyvia Walker daughter of the most High was born. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17.

My boyfriend was in Florida and it had been a while since we saw each other so during one of our phone conversation the Holy Spirit led me to tell him that the sexual part of our relationship was over because I wanted to be fully committed to my walk with Christ and I wanted to honor God in every area of my life.  Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. - Romans 12:1. Notice that I did not say that we discussed it or had a conversation about it. I told him. For me this was not up for the debate or discussion. He was not my husband so I was not under any obligation to him sexually. If he was not ok with it that would have been our last conversation. I'd come to understand that sharing my body with a man prevented God from dwelling on the inside of me which rendered me powerless against the devils attack. Not to mention that I was self inflicting harm on myself. Every time I had sex I was killing off a piece of the person God created me to be and as I mentioned before I was becoming one with that person and taking on their sins as well. Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. - I Corinthians 6:16-20. I finally got it!

For years I was paying a very high cost for doing what the world perceives as a purely physical act. I was being disobedient to God and I was completely missing out on His will for my life.  It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; I Thessalonians 4:3. I had actually convinced myself that what I was doing was ok because it was now socially accepted. I mean everyone was/is doing it. However, my word tell me that he called me out from among the people and set me apart and I am to be holy. You are to be holy because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. - Leviticus 20:26. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2. 

Now because my mind has been renewed I know that my relationship with Christ means more to me than anything a man or this world has to offer. I no longer allow anything in my life the causes Him to be far from me. I made a vow to Him that I will save myself until my wedding night. People say that there is no such thing as a born again virgin but my word tells me different. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17. It is not by all means easy but I trust His will for me.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9. I've had to make some lifestyle changes such as: I am always sober, I stay away from clubs, I filter what I watch and listen to (yep I skip past the sex scenes and I don't listen to music that talks about sex), I always meet people out in public, I do not take phone calls or texts after a certain time, any physical contact is rated G and I have a curfew just to name of few. Most importantly I a seek counsel only from those who are also following Christ and they have permission to hold me accountable. I've run across many people that don't understand and that think YOLO and that I am too young to not have fun. To them I say I would not trade the life I have now for ANYTHING in and of this world. I am more happy and full of joy than I have ever been in my life. Yes some days are not so good but when I look back at who I use to be I thank God for His grace and I keep moving forward.

I share the most intimate parts of my life in these posts in hopes that someone will read them and make better choices than I did. I use to think oh I made a mistake but the truth is I did not make a mistake I made a wrong choice. Do not get me wrong I believe God 100% when He tells me "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28. If that were not true I would not be here writing this. However, I also know that He is a jealous God and a God that gives us choices. He has plan laid of for our lives but it is up to us to seek Him in all things so we can stay on that path. I went left a lot of times when I should have went right and my life took some turns it should not have. My prayer for you all is to always choose right.

Stay tuned to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty.

FYI I am really loving this worship song right now!  

Allow me To Reintroduce Myself

I'm sorry, who are you? Is a question I often find myself asking when I receive a call or text from a number I do not recognize. If someone would have asked me that question a year ago I have no idea what I would have said. I'm sure I would have been able to come up with something along the lines of my name is Alkeyvia Walker. I am the youngest of four children. I was born and raised in the County of Dade. I received my undergraduate education from Florida State University and my law degree from UF Levin College of Law. And I currently reside in the DMV. Sounds good right? I sure thought so. However, nothing has probably felt more real to me or shaken me as much as when God asked me that question. When asked me I had no response. He knows me better than anyone so how could I answer? What could I possibly say to Him that He does not already know? It was in that moment that I realized that He was not asking me for Him. He was asking me for me. This is the part that shook me because I had no idea who I was or what He thought a me.

I've come to know who God is to me but realized I had no idea who I was to Him. One of the enemy's greatest weapons is to keep us from knowing our true identity in Christ. He knows that who we believe we are determines what we do and that when we have no confidence in who we are we start to compare. You see if I believe the lie that I am guilty, I am going to hold on to the shame of the things that I have done and I start believing that I do not deserve to be loved. I then start accepting anything that a man gives me because I do not deserve to be loved in the first place. Which leads me to believe the lie that I am unworthy so instead of me being the only one in a man's life I settle for being #1 and I give myself to him sexually because I am not worth waiting for. I am not worthy of being a wife so I will just settle for being the mother of your children. This then leads me to feeling so unbeautiful because I gave him everything that I could possibly give. I gave him sex, I was there when he needed me emotionally and financially, I cooked for him, brought him clothes, accepted his children as my own, ignored the other girls, played #2 when I should have been the only one, I did school work and I loved him. So if he did not want me who else will? I can't even look in the mirror anymore I am so ugly. I don't deserve to be pursued so it's okay that we communicate primarily through texts and when he calls every now and then. I don't need to be taken out on a date we can just chill at your place or mine. I'm cool with having sleepover and going out the back door because you have to take the trash out. I've accepted all of this because I have let the enemy rob me of my identity.

It was in the not knowing that I cried out to God and asked Him who I was to Him and what He thinks of me. Thus started the greatest journey of my life, recognizing who I was to Christ. Probably the first thing we learn when we come to Christ is that He died for us. It took me a while to understand that not only did He die for me He died as me. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Corinthians 5:21. So if I have been made right with God there is no need for me to carry around the guilt and shame of my past and not only do I deserve to be loved I am loved. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8. Now that I know that I am loved and I deserve love I am not going to accept anything less than a man that loves God and that will love me like Christ loves His church because that is the standard that Christ set.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5:25-30. Because I am no longer allowing myself to be misused I can look in the mirror and see what Christ sees, a beautiful women that is worth being pursued. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. - Song of Solomon 4:7. Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). There they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle. - John 19:17-18. So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:20. Now that I have gotten my swag back I know that not only do I deserve to be #1 I deserve to be the only one. I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. - Song of Solomon 7:10. And most importantly because I now know who Christ is and who I am in Him and that He lives on the inside of me I will no longer give myself sexually to another man until he chooses me to be his wife. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:9. Run away from sexual sin. Every other sin people do is outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies. - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. 

Yes my name is Alkeyvia Walker and I am the youngest of four children. I was born and raised in the County of Dade. I received my undergraduate education from Florida State University and my law degree from UF Levin College of Law. And I currently reside in the DMV. But that is NOT who I am am. I am Alkeyvia Walker the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world for my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear for I am His. And so we should not be like cringing, fearful slaves, but we should behave like God’s very own children, adopted into the bosom of his family, and calling to him, “Father, Father. - Romans 8:15. See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. - 1 John 3:1 . To be completely transparent there are some days that I do not "feel" like this at all. However, this IS WHO I AM and I refuse to let me temporary feelings rob me of my true identity.

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty.

P.S. You do not want to miss my next post. Hint, it is on the world's favorite 3 letter word.   

 

Its All About Me Me Me Me Me.......NOT

As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written. I always say that I am going to do better and it never really happens. So how about from now on I won’t make any promises and we shall see what happens.

I am almost 2 months into my 31^st year of life and it is the complete opposite from how I started my 30s. I won’t go relive that mess but if you are interested in reading about it click here. The two biggest things I have learned this past year are 1) It Is NOT About Me 2) Who I Am. I thought I would be writing about #2 today but as I began writing the Holy Spirit led me down the path of #1 so God willing #2 will be my next post.

In the midst of my struggles in life I more often than not ask God “why me?” I never seemed to understand the “why” behind the “what”. It was not until I surrendered to God’s will for my life that I was able to understand that the why is NOT ABOUT ME. I now understand that everything that I have been through, that I am currently going through and that I will go through all have a kingdom purpose. Whether good or bad all those situations are working together for my good so that I can bring glory to His kingdom. We always say that God blesses us to be a blessing but we never want what we have to go through to get the blessing and we definitely do not see how that valley can be the biggest blessing that we can give or receive. It is in those valleys that we come to know the true essence of who God really is and that is more than any material gift we could ever receive.

From every test comes a testimony that someone needs to hear. There is someone out there that has never known the love of a father that needs to know that we have a Father in heaven that loves us enough that He sent His son to die on a cross as us so we could be set free to experience that unconditional love. There is someone out there that has been told that they are not good enough and it made them feel less than, defeated and unworthy that needs to know that we are a chosen people, sons and daughters of the most high, fearfully and wonderfully made by God himself. There is someone out there living with the reality of unfulfilled dreams and desires that need to hear that God knows the plans He has for us to prosper us and not to harm us to give us a hope and a future and that He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we could ever ask or think!

When we are in the valley we can feel so alone and the devil will have us thinking we are the only ones that have ever experienced whatever it is that we are going through. I am humbled that God has chosen me to be a vessel to reach His people to tell them they are not alone. I consider myself blessed that God believes and trusts  enough in me to take me through these valleys and I am now ready and willing to be one of the many He uses to remind them that He will never leave us nor forsake us. It is NOT ABOUT ME and I just want to be used by Him to draw others to Him that they may come to know His love and faithfulness.

Until Next Time! 

Why "Him"?

For the longest time I have been running across posts by women on social media referring to the guy in their life as "Him" often accompanied by a picture of his arm or the back of his head. As of late these posts have really begun to flat out worry me as a woman. As most people do these days I looked to social media to give me some answers as to why these women are so reluctant to reveal the identity of their significant others but are so willing to share every other aspect of their lives? However, most people thought I was trying to be funny or trying to call people out. I was really hoping to get some understanding because I am genuinely concerned for these women. Since I really did not get much honest feedback I'm going to give you my take on the subject.

Let me first start by saying that I completely understand that what one chooses to post or not to post is completely their right. However, what I do not understand is why you want the world to know everything about  "Him" but his identity? From the limited verbal responses I received, the consensus was "Him" belongs to someone else thus preventing the poster from revealing his identity. Ladies while I understand that we all love us some Scandal and Olivia Pope, please understand that this is scripted TV and you should not base your REALITY on such. Despite what is being shown on TV understand that you should NEVER be anybody's #1 or #2 but their ONE and ONLY. If a guy is having to choose between you and someone else, make the decision easy for him and remove yourself from the situation or better yet do not put yourself in the situation in the first place. It is very true that sharing is caring but not when it comes to a man. Understand that if a man truly cares about you he would never put you in that situation. I have learned that a man will only do what you allow them to do. If you set the standard that it is cool for ya'll to be a secret please do not expect the relationship to progress to the next level and do not blame him when it doesn't. Remember he only made the "suggestion" and you either reluctantly or willingly agreed to it thus setting the standard for the future. The one thing we should take from Scandal is that nothing good comes from these sort of situations and all you end up with is heartache and pain. Four seasons in and Olivia is still the side piece. You will not be getting your happily ever after competing for a man that just wants to play games.

If we are honest, it is hard to remove ourselves from these situations because sex is usually involved. I understand that sex is more common than tissue these days and saying no or holding out is no longer socially acceptable and will 8 times out of 10 end the relationship. However, ladies you should NEVER give yourself to a man  that wants or asks you to keep your "relationship" a secret. The fact that he asked or made the suggestion should immediately throw up all types of red flags that should you run and not look back. I know you might be thinking but he's a private person.....sweetie if Him can post about his boys Him can post about you. Whether you want to believe it or not sex is way more than a physical act and just because everybody is doing does not mean that it is okay to be doing it. Sex is so much more than a physical act, it clouds your judgment and leads you to make emotional decisions. What we think is love causes us to stay in the hopes that things will change but in reality all we have done is created a soul-tie that is causing us to stay in an unhealthy situation. Despite what the world is telling you sex should not be taken lightly and should be approached with extreme caution and should only happen within the confines of a marriage relationship. While you may receive some moments of pleasure, the long term affects can be devastating. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to try taking sex out of the equation and see how much better things work out for you. 

As if the situation was not bad enough already, y'all start sleeping together without protection and you end up pregnant. Now there is a child involved and do you honestly think that this same man that has kept you a secret is going to play an active role in your child's life? Probably not since he really was not that into you from the beginning. Now ask yourself is that his fault or yours? He showed you from the beginning who he was and what he wanted, you just did not listen. I know you feel like he should take responsibility but you have to as well. And contrary to what you may think taking responsibility do not mean being your boyfriend it means being a father. I know you might say well it worked out for Yvette and Jody, but I am here to tell you that they are the exception, not the rule. If you choose to take the "relationship" to this level, be responsible and do your best to prevent bringing a life into an already unhealthy situation.

Moral of the story is posting about "Him" might get you some likes and some red bottoms but that is about all you are going to get out of it. You are setting yourself up for failure while hoping for the best. Ladies we have to do better and want better.

Until Next Time....