Why "Him"?

For the longest time I have been running across posts by women on social media referring to the guy in their life as "Him" often accompanied by a picture of his arm or the back of his head. As of late these posts have really begun to flat out worry me as a woman. As most people do these days I looked to social media to give me some answers as to why these women are so reluctant to reveal the identity of their significant others but are so willing to share every other aspect of their lives? However, most people thought I was trying to be funny or trying to call people out. I was really hoping to get some understanding because I am genuinely concerned for these women. Since I really did not get much honest feedback I'm going to give you my take on the subject.

Let me first start by saying that I completely understand that what one chooses to post or not to post is completely their right. However, what I do not understand is why you want the world to know everything about  "Him" but his identity? From the limited verbal responses I received, the consensus was "Him" belongs to someone else thus preventing the poster from revealing his identity. Ladies while I understand that we all love us some Scandal and Olivia Pope, please understand that this is scripted TV and you should not base your REALITY on such. Despite what is being shown on TV understand that you should NEVER be anybody's #1 or #2 but their ONE and ONLY. If a guy is having to choose between you and someone else, make the decision easy for him and remove yourself from the situation or better yet do not put yourself in the situation in the first place. It is very true that sharing is caring but not when it comes to a man. Understand that if a man truly cares about you he would never put you in that situation. I have learned that a man will only do what you allow them to do. If you set the standard that it is cool for ya'll to be a secret please do not expect the relationship to progress to the next level and do not blame him when it doesn't. Remember he only made the "suggestion" and you either reluctantly or willingly agreed to it thus setting the standard for the future. The one thing we should take from Scandal is that nothing good comes from these sort of situations and all you end up with is heartache and pain. Four seasons in and Olivia is still the side piece. You will not be getting your happily ever after competing for a man that just wants to play games.

If we are honest, it is hard to remove ourselves from these situations because sex is usually involved. I understand that sex is more common than tissue these days and saying no or holding out is no longer socially acceptable and will 8 times out of 10 end the relationship. However, ladies you should NEVER give yourself to a man  that wants or asks you to keep your "relationship" a secret. The fact that he asked or made the suggestion should immediately throw up all types of red flags that should you run and not look back. I know you might be thinking but he's a private person.....sweetie if Him can post about his boys Him can post about you. Whether you want to believe it or not sex is way more than a physical act and just because everybody is doing does not mean that it is okay to be doing it. Sex is so much more than a physical act, it clouds your judgment and leads you to make emotional decisions. What we think is love causes us to stay in the hopes that things will change but in reality all we have done is created a soul-tie that is causing us to stay in an unhealthy situation. Despite what the world is telling you sex should not be taken lightly and should be approached with extreme caution and should only happen within the confines of a marriage relationship. While you may receive some moments of pleasure, the long term affects can be devastating. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to try taking sex out of the equation and see how much better things work out for you. 

As if the situation was not bad enough already, y'all start sleeping together without protection and you end up pregnant. Now there is a child involved and do you honestly think that this same man that has kept you a secret is going to play an active role in your child's life? Probably not since he really was not that into you from the beginning. Now ask yourself is that his fault or yours? He showed you from the beginning who he was and what he wanted, you just did not listen. I know you feel like he should take responsibility but you have to as well. And contrary to what you may think taking responsibility do not mean being your boyfriend it means being a father. I know you might say well it worked out for Yvette and Jody, but I am here to tell you that they are the exception, not the rule. If you choose to take the "relationship" to this level, be responsible and do your best to prevent bringing a life into an already unhealthy situation.

Moral of the story is posting about "Him" might get you some likes and some red bottoms but that is about all you are going to get out of it. You are setting yourself up for failure while hoping for the best. Ladies we have to do better and want better.

Until Next Time....