Perfy 30

Not long ago I celebrated my 30th Birthday. But for some of you seeing it on your Facebook calendar you would have never known. I did not post any pictures and I barely responded to Birthday wishes. You see I wanted my 30th Birthday celebration to be PERFECT and when things did not go the way I wanted them to I went into hiding hoping that that weekend could be erased and perhaps I could get a do over. I was just really bitter about my birthday and I did not want to talk to or see anybody.

You see.....I thought that I had gotten past the fact that I had not accomplished some of the things I wanted to accomplish by 30. I just knew that I was no longer bitter about not being married and having a family, but God showed me that that was the very reason why I wanted things to be so PERFECT. It was because I was internally feeling empty in that area and I just wanted one thing in my life to go as I planned. I just finally wanted to get something that I wanted when I wanted it. I know as someone that is wholeheartedly pursuing a relationship with Jesus I really should not feel that way, but quite frankly a lot of times I do. I know 100% that God's timing is PERFECT and that He has some amazing things in store for me but it is HARD walking that out daily especially when every corner you turn you see people getting the very things that you are praying for.

To be perfectly honest some days I refrain from going on social media because I frankly just can not handle seeing someone else get engaged or having a baby or getting a new job. I find myself being unhappy for them when I know that that is not God's heart at all. Those are the days I really have to get into His word and remind myself of who He is and the promises He has made to me. You see I'm learning that all of this starts in my mind so anytime those thoughts creep in I have to recognize that they aren't from God because He says that He knows the plans that He has for me to give me a future and a hope. So the minute I start thinking that these things are not going to happen for me and being bitter about it I have to cast down the negative thought because it will have me like I was after my birthday. Depressed, Unhappy and Bitter.

As I look back I kick myself because I knew better and if I would have cast those thoughts down my birthday really would have been everything that I wanted it to be. I really should have said so what the guy that was in my life at the time and others did not show up. The people that I love most in this world did. My mom told me that the people that God wanted there would be there and they were and that is really all that mattered. And I truly did have a great time. I got to spend some QT with my ladies that I do not get to see that often and we discovered that if our careers were to go south we could definitely be the next YouTube sensation. And I marked a couple things off my bucket list. I really wish that I could get a do over on this one.

I'm growing and learning day by day y'all. That is really the real of it. I have great days when I am able to cast down thoughts that do not line up with His word and I have days that I struggle. Those days I struggle bring me closer to Him because those are the days I really have to cast my cares upon Him and know that He cares for me and understands my struggle like no one else can. I'm blessed to have gotten to see my 30th Birthday and I would like to thank all those that took the time out to celebrate with me and that sent well wishes my way!


Stay Tuned To See What Else Lies Beyond The Pretty

Sincerely,

Ms. Perfectly Imperfect

P.S.

During a conversation I had recently it was brought to my attention that I wait until whatever I am going through has passed to write about it instead of writing while I'm going through it. And I can admit that I unintentionally intentionally am guilty of this but I am going to try my best to do better about that I promise.