Why Her???

A couple of month's ago I had a very real conversation with someone that inspired this entry. The basis of our discussion centered around the title to this entry "Why Her." Anyone who knows me knows that my all time favorite singer is Monica who happens to have a song titled "Why Her" Its crazy that a couple of days after I had the conversation I mentioned above, I was listening to my Monica Pandora station and rediscovered this song and I just knew that I had to blog about the title "WHY HER?" here's a little snippet of the chorus for those that are not familiar with the song:

Why her, why her? Did I get on your nerves? Did I give you too much that you couldn't handle my love? Why her, why her? Tell me what she was worth To make you put her first and disown me? You wanna come back, but I gotta know why her? Thought she was all that, then why you at my door? Now look at you, look at us, what's all this for? Hope you got the answer to my question, why her?

As you have probably guessed from reading the lyrics my friend (who I will hypothetically call Keisha) and I were discussing relationships but more specifically when a guy cheats or moves on to another relationship what makes her better than the previous girl? I was really trying to encourage Keisha because she had been in a relationship with this guy for forever and he decided that he did not want to be with her anymore and he moved on to someone else. The crazy part was that everything he was not doing in the relationship with Keisha he was doing with the girl and Keisha just wanted to know why. I began to share with Keisha my own story of dealing with the "Why Her" syndrome and some of the things that Jesus revealed to me when I was going through the same situation. As I'm sitting here typing this part of me just wants to stop and talk about something else because this is very personal story that I'm about to share and I'm imagining the things that people will have to say after reading this. However, as I said in my first entry I decided to share personal stories with you all in hopes that my readers will be strengthened in knowing that someone else has been through the same thing they might be going through now and if Jesus can bring me out he can do the same for you. So here goes.... 

Like Keisha (and a lot of other women I know) I was in a relationship with a guy that I loved (as much as I knew about love then) and thought I was going to be with forever. We discussed marriage and children and spending the rest of our lives together but very unexpectedly the day came where he said it was over he was not in love anymore (well I still loved him but I guess he did not love me anymore). Needless to say I was beyond hurt and I just did not understand what was going on. I mean I had given everything to this person, I would have done anything for him, I had tried to show him in every way that I knew how that I loved him but in the end it was just not enough. I felt just like the Monica song "Did I get on your nerves? Did I give you too much that you couldn't handle my love?" I just wanted to know why?

I did not realize it then but this did a number on my self esteem. In looking back it literally destroyed my self esteem because I began to question everything about myself which caused me to be stuck in a constant state of wondering what it was I had done wrong and what I could do to make things right again. Not one time did I consider the fact that maybe we were not meant to be or that it was his fault. I just constantly tried to figure out what I had done wrong. They "Why Her" syndrome kicked in when I discovered that he was dating someone else. I found myself comparing every aspect of my life to hers. In my head I was thinking what does he see in her? I'm prettier than her, smarter than her, more mature than her, dress better than her, just over all BETTER than her. It never crossed my mind that this had anything to do with my self esteem. Honestly, I never thought that pretty girls could have self esteem issues but God showed me that if the way you think you look on the outside is not matching up with the way you are feeling on the inside than you most certainly can have self esteem issues no matter who you are and how you look on the outside.

Unfortunately for me those self esteem issues carried over into my next relationship and after a while I completely lost myself and who I was. I looked in the mirror everyday and wondered who this girl was that I had become and how did she get there. Although, I was a bit shy growing up I always knew who I was and I did not know that anymore. I had lost that confidence that I once had. I remember not wanting to go to church or pray because I was just ashamed of the person I had become. Here I was a beautiful girl in law school accomplishing something that very few people dream of but stuck in love with a man that no longer wanted to be with me. Despite all of this one advantage I had in this situation was a praying mother. I remember my mom calling me one day and she just began to encourage me  and I knew that it was Jesus telling her to tell me just what I need to hear. Despite my insecurities God began to show me how He sees me instead of how I saw myself. My mom always spoke Proverbs 31 over my life and Jesus began to reveal that woman to me. Jesus told me to stop comparing myself to "her" and wondering because He intentionally made us two very different people and there was no need for any sort of comparison. He took me to scripture and showed me the different women in the bible who he had blessed and He said to me that He thinks of me the same way He thought of them and if He blessed them he would bless me also. Jesus gave Leah a husband when she thought no one would ever want to marry her, He gave Sarah a baby when she thought she was too old to have children, He gave Ruth love again after she never thought she would find it after her husband died, He made Esther queen in a time when her people were suppose to be destroyed.

So ladies it is time out for wondering "Why Her" and time to start thanking Jesus that it is her and not you. Quit worrying about them living a happily ever after and start thanking Jesus for the happily ever after He has in store for you. We must truly and without a doubt believe that if we are God's children than He wants the very best for us and when He closes one door He will surely open another. The one thing that I have learned is to no longer dwell on why a relationship did not work or why a guy was a complete douche bag from the beginning because the answer is simple he was just not God's will for my life and I encourage you all to do the same. You will be surprise how much less heartbreak and heartache you can be saved from and how quickly you are able to recover if you simply seek God's will for your life and not your own. Look in the mirror everyday and see yourself as God see you because His opinion is the only one that truly matters. Remember the first person that Jesus revealed himself to after His resurrection was Mary Magdalene a woman from whom he had cast out seven demons and Rahab (the harlot) is listed in Hebrews 11 in the wall a faith. So the next time you want to question "Why Her?" shout "THANK YOU JESUS FOR RESCUING ME!!!"

Tune it next time to see what lies Beyond The Pretty!!