His Faithfulness to His Promises

Happy New Year! I can not believe that we are already 18 days into 2016! Time waits for no man.

The end of one year and the beginning of a new one is often an unintentional time of reflection for me. Christmas night I found myself sitting in my brother's den thinking wow I can not believe that I am ending and starting off another year like this. By like this I mostly meant without a mate. I went into the room where my sister-n-law was and I shared what I was thinking with her and she stopped me in my tracks and said your time is coming. You have prepared and now it is time. I admit I walked a way feeling a little better but not much. I went to bed that night and I prayed for God to take those thoughts and feelings away because I knew that they were not from Him.

The next morning before I got out a bed I picked up my phone and went to my Bible reading plan. The title for that day was The Love of God! As I began to read the devotional this part really stood out to me:

Paul continues to describe Abraham’s faith. Abraham believed God’s promise that he and Sarah would have a child, even though it was no longer a human possibility.

We learn of Abraham that ‘no unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised’ (Romans 4:20–21, AMP). In other words, Paul reiterates, Abraham was justified by faith.

I began to pray and ask God why this stood out to me and what was he trying to say to me? I knew God was using this devotional because a huge sense of peace fell over me in that moment and I felt comforted and my spirits were instantly lifted. That night I stayed up to almost 3am despite my having a 6:50am flight back home. Because I only took a short nap I decided that I was going to get off the plane and go home and go to bed! However, when I go back to DC I was not sleepy and decided to run to the store really quick. I was able to get in and out of the store in less than 45 minutes and on the ride home I thought it was horrible that I was actually trying to justify my reasoning for going to the store but not going to church. I was really thinking like at least when I was at the store I was walking around but if I go to church it is going to be dark and I am going to be sitting and I do not want to fall asleep in church. Despite my winning the battle in my head I really felt in my spirit that I needed to go to church.

I get to church and worship is awesome and Pastor Jeremy gets up and starts talking about the promises God has given us through the dreams in our hearts. The message title was something like How to Practically Position Ourselves to See Progress in God's Promises for our Lives. The scriptures he came from were out of Genesis starting in chapter 12 and it was the story of God's promise to Abraham and Sarah. #LightBulb I was immediately taken back to the devotional I read the prior morning. This message was my answer. It was everything that I needed to hear from God regarding those thoughts from Christmas night. He reminded me that He has not forgotten about me regarding the things He has promised me. He reminded me is there anything too hard for God?! In fact here He was using Pastor Jeremy to get me to practically position myself to receive His promises.

I really took this message to heart and I started to read and really study the story. I really began to reflect on my own life and it was like a mirror image of Abraham and Sarah's journey. I imagine that like with me God repeatedly reminded Abraham of His promises in those moments when doubt and unbelief tried to creep into my mind. After Lot had gone, the Lord said to Abram, “Look as far as you can see in every direction—north and south, east and west. I am giving all this land, as far as you can see, to you and your descendants as a permanent possession. And I will give you so many descendants that, like the dust of the earth, they cannot be counted! Go and walk through the land in every direction, for I am giving it to you.” Genesis 13:14-17 NLT Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!” Genesis 15:4-5 NLT “This is my covenant with you: I will make you the father of a multitude of nations! What’s more, I am changing your name. It will no longer be Abram. Instead, you will be called Abraham, for you will be the father of many nations. I will make you extremely fruitful. Your descendants will become many nations, and kings will be among them! Genesis 17:4-6 NLT And in those moments where it seemed like He was in the same place and no progress was being made God had Abraham reflect back on where he God had brought him from "Then the Lord told him, “I am the Lord who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land as your possession.” Genesis 15:7 NLT

This really just confirmed to me God's love and faithfulness. He knew that I need to be reminded of His promises to me and that no matter how things may look in the natural He is always working behind the scenes. He is not moved by our circumstances and situations. He knows the plans He has for our lives. God is faithful and I would challenge anyone to reading this to take Him at His word and trust that the same way He fulfilled His promises to Abraham, He will fulfill His promises to us as well. The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would. Genesis 21:1-2 NLT All God requires of us is to faith and obedience. When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am El-Shaddai—‘God Almighty.’ Serve me faithfully and live a blameless life. I will make a covenant with you, by which I will guarantee to give you countless descendants.” Genesis 17:1-2 NLT And Abram believed the Lord , and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. Genesis 15:6 NLT Remember Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8 NLT

This song brought it all home for me.

Stay tuned to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty.

No Sex Zone!

In my last post I talked about the importance of knowing who you are in Christ and knowing how He sees you. I spoke of some of the bad decisions I made because I had no clue who I was in Him. Today I am going to discuss probably the biggest decision that I made that compromised my identity.

July something 2000 was a day that would change my life forever. If I thought about really hard I probably could remember the exact date but that is not necessary for the purpose of this post. It was the summer before my junior year of high school, I was madly in love and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. After much thought and discussions with him and my closest friends, I decided I was going to have SEX! The "good girl" and PC thing for me to say would be that it just happened, it was a mistake, I did not mean to do it but my goal is to always be authentic with myself and with my readers so I am not going to sugarcoat it, I made a very conscious decision to loose my virginity. I was not pressured and I did not feel like it was something I had to do. It was something I wanted to do and so I did it.

Now during this time I was going to church every Sunday and even helped to lead a bible study at my high school. However, not once did I consult God regarding my decision. Reason being, I was going to church and knew The Word I knew what He would say and I knew that the decision that I made was completely against His will for me. Nevertheless I went ahead with my decision and although the course of my life would be altered from that one seemingly small decision, in that moment I felt no ill effects. Everything was actually good. My boyfriend did not leave me after that. We actually stayed together for a year and a half and we all know in high school years that is like forever! I can honestly say that the only time that I felt it affected me was when there were some positions I desired in high school and when I did not get them my mind immediately went to my decision. I felt like God wanted me in those positions but because of my decision He could not put me there. But like any other teenager I shrugged it off and kept living my "happy" little life. 

The devil had me thinking that it was just sex and that it was purely physical but boy was I wrong. In reality what I was doing was freely giving away pieces of myself and taking on pieces of others'. "and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one - Mark 10:8. Those pieces had me in situations that I should not have been in many of which I mentioned in my previous post. I belittled myself to the point that I was thinking that because I loved him it was okay for me to accept his phone calls knowing that all that would come of it was sex. It was easy for me to look away from the pictures of her that were everywhere (even in the bathroom) and easy for me to be quiet when the phone rang but painful for me to hear him say those three words to her while he was laying next to me. But I loved him and it was only a matter of time before he would realize that it was me he wanted and not her. I wish I could type this and say that he was the only one that I chose to give myself to but unfortunately for me over the years there were others. For a long time I was so wrapped up in the love I had for him that I wish I could say I felt the same way about the others but no can do. There was a desire to fill the void left by my first decision. More accepting what was given without desiring more. More of knowing that I was not the only one. More of feeling why not me? The thought of what would happen if I say no? Feeling the need to please. Just a series of wrong thoughts and terrible advice until I was left feeling empty. ashamed, dirty, alone, dumb, stupid, heartbroken, confused. You name it and I felt it. I no longer recognized the girl in the mirror. I wanted so bad to cry out to God for help but I felt so unworthy and so far from him. Not yet being able to connect the dots that all of this was a result of of that one decision. 

But God in his faithfulness used my mom to call me one night to tell me that the Lord loved me. The seed she planted that night is growing into the woman I am today. The Lord began to work on me and I decided to make a change in my life. After my then boyfriend and I broke up I decided to take a break from guys and yes that included sex (still not yet making the connection). That was actually around the time God started to plant the seeds for this blog. I had no intentions or expectations during this break but it was during this time that I started to feel God pursuing me. However, after some time had passed I made a decision to rejoin the dating world. Although my vision was starting to clear it was not clear enough and fell right back into my old ways and found myself accepting and doing things that I should not have. One thing that God showed me was that I only made these poor decisions when sex was involved. When there was no sex my mind was so much more clear and I was able to see the guy for who he actually was and not what I wanted him to be.

During this time I moved to the DMV and I knew that I needed to be planted in a church. I just really felt the Lord tugging at me so once I got settled that became my focus. I found the church that I currently attend and from the moment I walked in the door I knew that something was changing. I really started seeking after God but the fact that I was still sharing my body with someone other than God was limiting my growth. I would hear my Pastor say over and over again that although we may have been baptized as a child, baptism should reflect out current walk with the Lord so I decided to get re-baptized. Once again what appeared to be a seemingly small decision would forever change my life but this time for the good. I came out of that water feeling like a new person. Like my old self was dead and Alkeyvia Walker daughter of the most High was born. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17.

My boyfriend was in Florida and it had been a while since we saw each other so during one of our phone conversation the Holy Spirit led me to tell him that the sexual part of our relationship was over because I wanted to be fully committed to my walk with Christ and I wanted to honor God in every area of my life.  Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. - Romans 12:1. Notice that I did not say that we discussed it or had a conversation about it. I told him. For me this was not up for the debate or discussion. He was not my husband so I was not under any obligation to him sexually. If he was not ok with it that would have been our last conversation. I'd come to understand that sharing my body with a man prevented God from dwelling on the inside of me which rendered me powerless against the devils attack. Not to mention that I was self inflicting harm on myself. Every time I had sex I was killing off a piece of the person God created me to be and as I mentioned before I was becoming one with that person and taking on their sins as well. Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. - I Corinthians 6:16-20. I finally got it!

For years I was paying a very high cost for doing what the world perceives as a purely physical act. I was being disobedient to God and I was completely missing out on His will for my life.  It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; I Thessalonians 4:3. I had actually convinced myself that what I was doing was ok because it was now socially accepted. I mean everyone was/is doing it. However, my word tell me that he called me out from among the people and set me apart and I am to be holy. You are to be holy because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. - Leviticus 20:26. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2. 

Now because my mind has been renewed I know that my relationship with Christ means more to me than anything a man or this world has to offer. I no longer allow anything in my life the causes Him to be far from me. I made a vow to Him that I will save myself until my wedding night. People say that there is no such thing as a born again virgin but my word tells me different. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17. It is not by all means easy but I trust His will for me.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9. I've had to make some lifestyle changes such as: I am always sober, I stay away from clubs, I filter what I watch and listen to (yep I skip past the sex scenes and I don't listen to music that talks about sex), I always meet people out in public, I do not take phone calls or texts after a certain time, any physical contact is rated G and I have a curfew just to name of few. Most importantly I a seek counsel only from those who are also following Christ and they have permission to hold me accountable. I've run across many people that don't understand and that think YOLO and that I am too young to not have fun. To them I say I would not trade the life I have now for ANYTHING in and of this world. I am more happy and full of joy than I have ever been in my life. Yes some days are not so good but when I look back at who I use to be I thank God for His grace and I keep moving forward.

I share the most intimate parts of my life in these posts in hopes that someone will read them and make better choices than I did. I use to think oh I made a mistake but the truth is I did not make a mistake I made a wrong choice. Do not get me wrong I believe God 100% when He tells me "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28. If that were not true I would not be here writing this. However, I also know that He is a jealous God and a God that gives us choices. He has plan laid of for our lives but it is up to us to seek Him in all things so we can stay on that path. I went left a lot of times when I should have went right and my life took some turns it should not have. My prayer for you all is to always choose right.

Stay tuned to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty.

FYI I am really loving this worship song right now!  

Allow me To Reintroduce Myself

I'm sorry, who are you? Is a question I often find myself asking when I receive a call or text from a number I do not recognize. If someone would have asked me that question a year ago I have no idea what I would have said. I'm sure I would have been able to come up with something along the lines of my name is Alkeyvia Walker. I am the youngest of four children. I was born and raised in the County of Dade. I received my undergraduate education from Florida State University and my law degree from UF Levin College of Law. And I currently reside in the DMV. Sounds good right? I sure thought so. However, nothing has probably felt more real to me or shaken me as much as when God asked me that question. When asked me I had no response. He knows me better than anyone so how could I answer? What could I possibly say to Him that He does not already know? It was in that moment that I realized that He was not asking me for Him. He was asking me for me. This is the part that shook me because I had no idea who I was or what He thought a me.

I've come to know who God is to me but realized I had no idea who I was to Him. One of the enemy's greatest weapons is to keep us from knowing our true identity in Christ. He knows that who we believe we are determines what we do and that when we have no confidence in who we are we start to compare. You see if I believe the lie that I am guilty, I am going to hold on to the shame of the things that I have done and I start believing that I do not deserve to be loved. I then start accepting anything that a man gives me because I do not deserve to be loved in the first place. Which leads me to believe the lie that I am unworthy so instead of me being the only one in a man's life I settle for being #1 and I give myself to him sexually because I am not worth waiting for. I am not worthy of being a wife so I will just settle for being the mother of your children. This then leads me to feeling so unbeautiful because I gave him everything that I could possibly give. I gave him sex, I was there when he needed me emotionally and financially, I cooked for him, brought him clothes, accepted his children as my own, ignored the other girls, played #2 when I should have been the only one, I did school work and I loved him. So if he did not want me who else will? I can't even look in the mirror anymore I am so ugly. I don't deserve to be pursued so it's okay that we communicate primarily through texts and when he calls every now and then. I don't need to be taken out on a date we can just chill at your place or mine. I'm cool with having sleepover and going out the back door because you have to take the trash out. I've accepted all of this because I have let the enemy rob me of my identity.

It was in the not knowing that I cried out to God and asked Him who I was to Him and what He thinks of me. Thus started the greatest journey of my life, recognizing who I was to Christ. Probably the first thing we learn when we come to Christ is that He died for us. It took me a while to understand that not only did He die for me He died as me. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Corinthians 5:21. So if I have been made right with God there is no need for me to carry around the guilt and shame of my past and not only do I deserve to be loved I am loved. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8. Now that I know that I am loved and I deserve love I am not going to accept anything less than a man that loves God and that will love me like Christ loves His church because that is the standard that Christ set.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5:25-30. Because I am no longer allowing myself to be misused I can look in the mirror and see what Christ sees, a beautiful women that is worth being pursued. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. - Song of Solomon 4:7. Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). There they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle. - John 19:17-18. So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:20. Now that I have gotten my swag back I know that not only do I deserve to be #1 I deserve to be the only one. I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. - Song of Solomon 7:10. And most importantly because I now know who Christ is and who I am in Him and that He lives on the inside of me I will no longer give myself sexually to another man until he chooses me to be his wife. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:9. Run away from sexual sin. Every other sin people do is outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies. - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. 

Yes my name is Alkeyvia Walker and I am the youngest of four children. I was born and raised in the County of Dade. I received my undergraduate education from Florida State University and my law degree from UF Levin College of Law. And I currently reside in the DMV. But that is NOT who I am am. I am Alkeyvia Walker the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world for my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear for I am His. And so we should not be like cringing, fearful slaves, but we should behave like God’s very own children, adopted into the bosom of his family, and calling to him, “Father, Father. - Romans 8:15. See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. - 1 John 3:1 . To be completely transparent there are some days that I do not "feel" like this at all. However, this IS WHO I AM and I refuse to let me temporary feelings rob me of my true identity.

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty.

P.S. You do not want to miss my next post. Hint, it is on the world's favorite 3 letter word.   

 

Its All About Me Me Me Me Me.......NOT

As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written. I always say that I am going to do better and it never really happens. So how about from now on I won’t make any promises and we shall see what happens.

I am almost 2 months into my 31^st year of life and it is the complete opposite from how I started my 30s. I won’t go relive that mess but if you are interested in reading about it click here. The two biggest things I have learned this past year are 1) It Is NOT About Me 2) Who I Am. I thought I would be writing about #2 today but as I began writing the Holy Spirit led me down the path of #1 so God willing #2 will be my next post.

In the midst of my struggles in life I more often than not ask God “why me?” I never seemed to understand the “why” behind the “what”. It was not until I surrendered to God’s will for my life that I was able to understand that the why is NOT ABOUT ME. I now understand that everything that I have been through, that I am currently going through and that I will go through all have a kingdom purpose. Whether good or bad all those situations are working together for my good so that I can bring glory to His kingdom. We always say that God blesses us to be a blessing but we never want what we have to go through to get the blessing and we definitely do not see how that valley can be the biggest blessing that we can give or receive. It is in those valleys that we come to know the true essence of who God really is and that is more than any material gift we could ever receive.

From every test comes a testimony that someone needs to hear. There is someone out there that has never known the love of a father that needs to know that we have a Father in heaven that loves us enough that He sent His son to die on a cross as us so we could be set free to experience that unconditional love. There is someone out there that has been told that they are not good enough and it made them feel less than, defeated and unworthy that needs to know that we are a chosen people, sons and daughters of the most high, fearfully and wonderfully made by God himself. There is someone out there living with the reality of unfulfilled dreams and desires that need to hear that God knows the plans He has for us to prosper us and not to harm us to give us a hope and a future and that He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we could ever ask or think!

When we are in the valley we can feel so alone and the devil will have us thinking we are the only ones that have ever experienced whatever it is that we are going through. I am humbled that God has chosen me to be a vessel to reach His people to tell them they are not alone. I consider myself blessed that God believes and trusts  enough in me to take me through these valleys and I am now ready and willing to be one of the many He uses to remind them that He will never leave us nor forsake us. It is NOT ABOUT ME and I just want to be used by Him to draw others to Him that they may come to know His love and faithfulness.

Until Next Time! 

Why "Him"?

For the longest time I have been running across posts by women on social media referring to the guy in their life as "Him" often accompanied by a picture of his arm or the back of his head. As of late these posts have really begun to flat out worry me as a woman. As most people do these days I looked to social media to give me some answers as to why these women are so reluctant to reveal the identity of their significant others but are so willing to share every other aspect of their lives? However, most people thought I was trying to be funny or trying to call people out. I was really hoping to get some understanding because I am genuinely concerned for these women. Since I really did not get much honest feedback I'm going to give you my take on the subject.

Let me first start by saying that I completely understand that what one chooses to post or not to post is completely their right. However, what I do not understand is why you want the world to know everything about  "Him" but his identity? From the limited verbal responses I received, the consensus was "Him" belongs to someone else thus preventing the poster from revealing his identity. Ladies while I understand that we all love us some Scandal and Olivia Pope, please understand that this is scripted TV and you should not base your REALITY on such. Despite what is being shown on TV understand that you should NEVER be anybody's #1 or #2 but their ONE and ONLY. If a guy is having to choose between you and someone else, make the decision easy for him and remove yourself from the situation or better yet do not put yourself in the situation in the first place. It is very true that sharing is caring but not when it comes to a man. Understand that if a man truly cares about you he would never put you in that situation. I have learned that a man will only do what you allow them to do. If you set the standard that it is cool for ya'll to be a secret please do not expect the relationship to progress to the next level and do not blame him when it doesn't. Remember he only made the "suggestion" and you either reluctantly or willingly agreed to it thus setting the standard for the future. The one thing we should take from Scandal is that nothing good comes from these sort of situations and all you end up with is heartache and pain. Four seasons in and Olivia is still the side piece. You will not be getting your happily ever after competing for a man that just wants to play games.

If we are honest, it is hard to remove ourselves from these situations because sex is usually involved. I understand that sex is more common than tissue these days and saying no or holding out is no longer socially acceptable and will 8 times out of 10 end the relationship. However, ladies you should NEVER give yourself to a man  that wants or asks you to keep your "relationship" a secret. The fact that he asked or made the suggestion should immediately throw up all types of red flags that should you run and not look back. I know you might be thinking but he's a private person.....sweetie if Him can post about his boys Him can post about you. Whether you want to believe it or not sex is way more than a physical act and just because everybody is doing does not mean that it is okay to be doing it. Sex is so much more than a physical act, it clouds your judgment and leads you to make emotional decisions. What we think is love causes us to stay in the hopes that things will change but in reality all we have done is created a soul-tie that is causing us to stay in an unhealthy situation. Despite what the world is telling you sex should not be taken lightly and should be approached with extreme caution and should only happen within the confines of a marriage relationship. While you may receive some moments of pleasure, the long term affects can be devastating. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to try taking sex out of the equation and see how much better things work out for you. 

As if the situation was not bad enough already, y'all start sleeping together without protection and you end up pregnant. Now there is a child involved and do you honestly think that this same man that has kept you a secret is going to play an active role in your child's life? Probably not since he really was not that into you from the beginning. Now ask yourself is that his fault or yours? He showed you from the beginning who he was and what he wanted, you just did not listen. I know you feel like he should take responsibility but you have to as well. And contrary to what you may think taking responsibility do not mean being your boyfriend it means being a father. I know you might say well it worked out for Yvette and Jody, but I am here to tell you that they are the exception, not the rule. If you choose to take the "relationship" to this level, be responsible and do your best to prevent bringing a life into an already unhealthy situation.

Moral of the story is posting about "Him" might get you some likes and some red bottoms but that is about all you are going to get out of it. You are setting yourself up for failure while hoping for the best. Ladies we have to do better and want better.

Until Next Time....    

He Is Jealous For Me

So in my last post I discussed that ill feeling of not being married that tends to creep up in me every now and than. For a long time I had this belief that I was missing something and that when my husband finally comes everything will magically be all right. For years I went to scripture trying to figure out what the Bible said about marriage and dating and finding "the one". But for the scriptures I found on marriage I was coming up empty and I thought that I was not hearing from God at all. I tried looking at some of the great relationships in the Bible but nothing seemed to help me. This desire to be married and sense of emptiness began to really eat me up inside. I just did not understand why God was not giving me guidance in this area of relationships.

During this time of me searching for answers, I started to feel really convicted (far from condemned) in this area. I felt that I had made those things idols because I was putting them before God. All I could hear was a cry from God telling me to seek Him FIRST and that my wholeness was found in Him and that void I was feeling could only be filled by Him. I was experiencing God being jealous for me and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was actually the exact feeling that I was seeking from a man. I knew that God loved me more than any man ever could and from that day forth I began to focus on my relationship with God making it my #1 priority. I eliminated things that I felt like was hindering my walk and I stopped praying for God to send my husband. I wanted God to know that I was serious and that He was more than enough for me and that if He never gave me those things I would still love Him with my whole heart.

I began to seek out groups within my church that would help grow my relationship with God. For the past year or so all I've been doing is focusing on my relationship with God. In doing so God really began to speak to me and show me that I needed to work on becoming a better me. He started to show me some things about my ways were not His ways and were not lining up with His word. So my prayer has been for God to just show me His heart so that I can be more like Him. To love like He loves, to serve like He serves, give like He gives and show compassion like he does. I just really want to be more like Christ more than anything else in this world.  

You see I have learned that God really is a jealous God. Meaning that He loves us so much that He does not want us to give away what rightly belongs to Him. He desires our honor, worship and praise and when we give that away to things and people we hurt Him. We must at all times seek Him first. It is when we show Him that He is first in our lives that He will began to give us those desires that He placed in us.

To Be Continued.............

Perfy 30

Not long ago I celebrated my 30th Birthday. But for some of you seeing it on your Facebook calendar you would have never known. I did not post any pictures and I barely responded to Birthday wishes. You see I wanted my 30th Birthday celebration to be PERFECT and when things did not go the way I wanted them to I went into hiding hoping that that weekend could be erased and perhaps I could get a do over. I was just really bitter about my birthday and I did not want to talk to or see anybody.

You see.....I thought that I had gotten past the fact that I had not accomplished some of the things I wanted to accomplish by 30. I just knew that I was no longer bitter about not being married and having a family, but God showed me that that was the very reason why I wanted things to be so PERFECT. It was because I was internally feeling empty in that area and I just wanted one thing in my life to go as I planned. I just finally wanted to get something that I wanted when I wanted it. I know as someone that is wholeheartedly pursuing a relationship with Jesus I really should not feel that way, but quite frankly a lot of times I do. I know 100% that God's timing is PERFECT and that He has some amazing things in store for me but it is HARD walking that out daily especially when every corner you turn you see people getting the very things that you are praying for.

To be perfectly honest some days I refrain from going on social media because I frankly just can not handle seeing someone else get engaged or having a baby or getting a new job. I find myself being unhappy for them when I know that that is not God's heart at all. Those are the days I really have to get into His word and remind myself of who He is and the promises He has made to me. You see I'm learning that all of this starts in my mind so anytime those thoughts creep in I have to recognize that they aren't from God because He says that He knows the plans that He has for me to give me a future and a hope. So the minute I start thinking that these things are not going to happen for me and being bitter about it I have to cast down the negative thought because it will have me like I was after my birthday. Depressed, Unhappy and Bitter.

As I look back I kick myself because I knew better and if I would have cast those thoughts down my birthday really would have been everything that I wanted it to be. I really should have said so what the guy that was in my life at the time and others did not show up. The people that I love most in this world did. My mom told me that the people that God wanted there would be there and they were and that is really all that mattered. And I truly did have a great time. I got to spend some QT with my ladies that I do not get to see that often and we discovered that if our careers were to go south we could definitely be the next YouTube sensation. And I marked a couple things off my bucket list. I really wish that I could get a do over on this one.

I'm growing and learning day by day y'all. That is really the real of it. I have great days when I am able to cast down thoughts that do not line up with His word and I have days that I struggle. Those days I struggle bring me closer to Him because those are the days I really have to cast my cares upon Him and know that He cares for me and understands my struggle like no one else can. I'm blessed to have gotten to see my 30th Birthday and I would like to thank all those that took the time out to celebrate with me and that sent well wishes my way!


Stay Tuned To See What Else Lies Beyond The Pretty

Sincerely,

Ms. Perfectly Imperfect

P.S.

During a conversation I had recently it was brought to my attention that I wait until whatever I am going through has passed to write about it instead of writing while I'm going through it. And I can admit that I unintentionally intentionally am guilty of this but I am going to try my best to do better about that I promise.

Appropriate Smallness

Often times we tend to question God and ask why things are or aren't happening to us. We often come to the conclusion that God is punishing us for something we did or we are suffering because of a wrong decision that we made. We beat ourselves up about our mistakes instead of understanding that God is a loving God and He takes us through things to get us to the place He needs us to be to help build His kingdom. 

Through my own walk I have learned that during my "valley" times God is trying to get me to a place of completely trusting Him with the situation I am in or He is trying to get some mess out of me that is hindering my walk with Him. Today we shall focus on some of my mess! Believe it or not I have learned to have complete Joy when the Lord reveals to me the ugliest parts of me. It reminds me that I am perfectly imperfect!!!

I have written before that I struggle in the area of my career and I very often question God as to why it seems like I am the only one of my law school peers not practicing and not using the skills that I have been equipped with in my current position. God has repeatedly told me that it is not yet my time and I have learned to trust in God's timing in this area. However, today in His perfect love He has decided to reveal to me the why it has yet to be my time.

I am reading a book called The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg that focuses on spiritual disciplines. This morning I read Chapter 7 "Appropriate Smallness" The Practice of Servanthood.  In today’s society no one wants to think of themselves as being "small." We want to be the best, brightest, smartest, flyest, etc. We all want to be the first and no one wants to be the last. In fact this sort of behavior is celebrated and the person that wants to remain in the background is often ridiculed and chastised for not being more assertive and aggressive. We may not want to admit it or honestly may not even see it, but this way of thinking is a form of Pride and for me it answered the question of why it was not yet my time.

You see for me becoming an attorney was accompanied by a sense of prestige. I had reached a certain "level" in life and it was to be celebrated. I can remember telling people that there was no way that I would even date someone that was not on my "level." I felt that being an attorney placed me on a pedestal and now I had this image that I must uphold. Do not get me wrong I know that graduating from law school and passing the bar are great accomplishments; however, God placed me in this position so that I could serve others using this unique gift that He gave me and not for me to feel like “look at me I made it!” Being a follower of Christ is all about living a life of humility. It is the anti-look at me life.

God saw the pride in me when I did not see it in myself and there was no way that I could help to advance His Kingdom with that on the inside of me. I was not yet ready. Instead, He placed me in position where I had to completely trust and depend on Him. I had this degree, but I had no money to even pay for my bar study course or to pay any of my bills during this time. I passed the bar, but still had no money to put gas in my car to get to the few interviews I was fortunate enough to be granted. And for some strange reason ALL of those interviews were followed by rejection letters. When He finally blessed me with a job and I was no longer broke, I was ashamed to tell people what I did because of the image I felt I had to uphold. For a long time I have felt like the work that I have done since passing the bar is so far beneath me. It’s like I am doing these mundane task day after day and I am like “really God? This is not what I stayed up countless nights studying and crying for.” “When is it going to be my time to shine God?”

You see I thanked God for being in a rare position of being under worked and overpaid. I trusted God and knew that He had me in this place for a reason but never did I imagine that that reason was because I was prideful. Unbeknownst to me, all this time God was just trying to show me that because of my title and achievements I had placed myself on a pedestal to where I felt that I had reached some arbitrary “level” and was beyond doing mundane tasks. I learned from the book that it is in doing the mundane tasks that God helps us to overcome that prideful spirit that tries to keep us from becoming conformed to the image of Christ. God revealed to me that pride destroys our capacity to love, it moves us to exclude instead of embrace, it moves us to bow down before a mirror rather than before God and it moves us to judge rather than to serve. All this is completely contrary to the ministry He has placed on the inside of us as one of His followers. Christ himself is the ultimate example of how to live a humble life. Although He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to, but instead He gave up His divine privileges and took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. - Philippians 2:6-11. The Lord himself said that He came not to be served but to serve.

In using the gifts that Christ has given us we aren't to look for status or clout and the only image we should be concerned with is conforming to the image of Christ. We are to use or gifts to just help people. It is when we realize that our life is not about us and who we want to be and what we want to do that we will be free from so many of the burdens we have placed on ourselves. I felt the weights lift off me this morning and my prayer is for you all reading this to experience this as well.

 Until next time....Stay tuned to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty!

           

 

She Can Only Be Her

So recently (like Saturday) a friend asked me to be a part of a new segment on her blog. She wants to spotlight accomplished black women and style them  in 3 different looks while featuring their accomplishments. My first reaction was ummmm she (yes thanks to Tamar I now frequently refer to myself in the 3rd person) has not accomplished anything. She shares an apartment with a roommate, works at a job where she is overpaid and under worked, is not married and does not have one of the many babies she has always dreamed of having. It was as if I was saying out loud for the first time my many shortcomings and it stung more than I thought it would. But true to form, my friend snapped me back to reality and helped to point out how far I've actually come.

Without realizing it, I had started to compare myself to others and was measuring my accomplishments based on what others were doing. I even found myself questioning God and wondering why not me. Why don't I have the nice comfy firm job like most of my law school classmates? Why don't I have the husband and children like EVERYONE I see on Facebook? Why am I still renting instead of owning my own home? Just why God why?

The “plan” was to have my career, husband, house and 3 children by 29 and here I am 29 with none of these things. I rarely say these things out loud and I would never dare to say it to the Lord. I was crazy enough to think that Jesus didn't know what was in my heart when in actuality "for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." - Matthew 6:8. I was honestly thinking that because I am not in the place where I thought I would be that I am not worthy of being featured as an "accomplished" black women. However, I was forgetting one important thing "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."

God in his infinite wisdom showed me that I have to stop comparing myself to other people and stop thinking because they "have it" so should I. We were not all meant to walk down the same path and we all have a different function in the Kingdom of God. For Romans 12:4-6 tells us "For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us." In all actuality since undergrad not much has worked out for me how and when I thought it would. The plan was to go to law school right after undergrad but right after turned into two years later but it did eventually happen. I was supposed to move to DC right after taking the bar but it did eventually happen seven months later. God reminded me Saturday that the things He has promised me may not have happened in my timing but they have happened in His perfect timing.

The most important thing I got out of my encounter with God Saturday is that I have to stop looking at myself through my own eyes and start seeing myself the way God sees me. You see God saw Abram as the father of many nations so He started calling Him Abraham, He saw Sarai as the mother of many nations from which kings of people will come and He started to call her Sarah. You see in their old age and before they even conceived a child together God saw into their future. Despite them laughing at Him He called them by what they were going to become and not how they saw themselves now. See we have to trust and believe that when the Lord says "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" He means just that. God used my friend to show me that the things that I was looking at as shortcomings were merely things He saw as not yet accomplished.

I thank God that when I need Him most He is right there to remind me who He is and what He has been to me. You see Jesus reminded me through my friend that I have accomplished more than I ever could’ve dreamed of. I have come from being a girl in Liberty City (one of the cities featured on First 48) that was raised by a single mother of four, to a God fearing woman with the ability to practice law. I may not have a job in a firm "practicing" law daily but I am licensed in two jurisdictions and I have the ability to practice what I want, when I want and how I want. I may not have a ring on my finger but I have a man that loves me like Christ loves His church. I know (although I have to constantly remind myself) that the plans that the Lord has for me are greater than anything I can ever imagine.

In the words of one of the greatest to ever play the game...."For me, I can't worry about what everybody says about me. I'm Alkeyvia Walker, from Miami, Florida. From the inner city. I'm not even supposed to be here." That's enough. Every time I sign a document and I am able to put ESQ behind it, I'm blessed. So what everybody say about me outside of the courtroom don't matter. I ain't got no worries."

Until next time. Follow me to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty!

Shouts out to my girl miyathebee87 for giving me the reality check I needed. Love ya to pieces hun. Check out her blog www.miyathebeefashion.wordpress.com.

Justice For Trayvon - Truth Moment

Since the Trayvon Martin verdict came down social media has been outraged at our "failed justice system." I can admit that my first thought was "its times like this I do not like being associated with our justice system." But shortly thereafter someone reminded me that the reason I became apart of this system was to be an advocate that could relate to the struggles of my clients.

I have been struggling with whether I should comment on some of the posts that have flooded my timelines and after having a conversation with a friend I decided to write this post instead. I believe it is time for a truth moment.

I'm sure you all have seen the posts with the quote "A system cannot fail those it was never built to protect." While I agree that this statement is completely true, it baffles me that if we really believe this, then why do we continue to make decisions where we repeatedly subject ourselves to such a system? How do we do this, allow me to explain.....

1) Instead of education being the number one priority for our children we are more focused on them winning best dressed. It is sad that at an elementary school age children are more concerned about what shoes they have on their feet and what label they have written across their behinds than they are about their education. But we can't blame them because they are just going off the actions of their parents. We stand in line for hours to get them the new Js, but don't take the time out to go to PTA meetings or help with homework. I constantly see parents posting more pictures of their children's outfits than their success in the classroom. We constantly reward them for being mediocre in school instead of instilling the fear of God in them when they bring home bad grades. When I was growing up I was never rewarded for bringing home anything less than an A. Nowadays I see parents proud that their children don't have Ds and Fs. We know all the latest brands but are clueless about the college admissions process.

2) Instead of instilling in our little black boys to make their education their number one priority, we place athletics above everything. The last time I checked colleges and universities refer to their students with athletic abilities as STUDENT-Athletes. However, in our community we worry about the athletics first and the student later. Parents pack the stands on game day but once again are a no show at the school. Why is it that their is always a question as to whether the "star" athlete in the city will be academically eligible to participate in collegiate sports? Or why is that he has to take his standardized tests 3 or 4 times before he gets a score that qualifies him for admission into college. Or even better why is it that his white college teammate is starting college as a sophomore and he's taking remedial English and Math? I will tell you why, because practice comes before homework and paying the money for him to look good takes priority over paying for that study guide or tutor he needs to be successful in the classroom.

3) Instead of creating our own empire and investing our money in property ownership, we choose to invest our money in labels like Nike, True Religion, Michael Kors and Christian Louboutin to sustain their empires. I mention property ownership because it is property taxes that determine how much money is given to our schools. If you live an area that consists of only rentals, do the math and tell me how much money if any is going to the school? So how can we complain that our schools aren't getting adequate funding, when all the "funding" we get is being spent on labels. It's crazy how many Instagramers apartment's closests are filled with Jordans and Red Bottoms.

As a result of looks being placed above education, the mentality becomes I have to get these Js or this outfit by any means. It pains me to see the number of young people that are falling victim to this "unjust" system because they feel the need to have to steal or sale drugs just so they can "look good" going to school without as much as a thought as to how this decision will affect their future. Where I'm from "boosters" are being praised and the mentality has become why get a job and work for it when I can steal it for free?

Bottom line is we as a people have our PRIORITIES all mixed up and in order to prevent future Trayvon situations from happening we have to start making better decisions. This microwave mentality may work for our counterparts but the reality is we have to work twice as hard to get what we want. It is not right but life is not always about right and wrong and this is our reality. It is time out for pointing the finger at "the man" for the reason why we are where we are and it is time for taking a long look at the person in the mirror. We can start changing the world by starting in our households and families. Stop rewarding these children for being mediocre and start pushing them to be great so that they can be lawyers, judges, police and probation officers and jurors. We can't keep complaining about an unjust system if we are unwilling to do our part and put people in positions that can affect change.

DISCLAIMER
I am not saying for one second that it is Trayvon's or his parents' fault that he is not here with us today. I had the honor of meeting his parents and the pain that I saw on their faces will forever be etched in my mind and heart. Zimmerman was wrong and I am sure he will pay for what he has done.
What I am saying is that the jury consisted of 5 white women and 1 hispanic. The prosecution and defense attorneys as well as the judge were all white. Therefore, for this situation to not happen again more people that look like us and understand our struggle have to occupy those positions and that starts and ends with being educated.

Until next time....

Happy New Year!

Happy New New Year!!

I can not believe it is 2013 already, I am still processing everything that happened in 2012! However, I thought that I would start the new year of right with a quick post about the biggest lesson I learned in 2012.

Monday (NYE) I worked 10hrs (still making up time from my Christmas vacay)! I was dead tired when I got home but just as I was about to jump in the shower and hit the sack, all I could hear was Dru's voice in my ear yelling "Do not go into 2013 with a dirty house!" So despite my pure exhaustion I managed to gather some energy to clean up. As I was cleaning my room I began to reflect on 2012 and I realized that it had been exactly one year to the day that I made the decision to move to the DMV!

2011 was year filled with the highs of highs and lows of lows. I lost my aunt in March, graduated from law school in May, studied for the bar for 2.5 months during the summer, broke up with my boyfriend in August, passed the Florida Bar in September and went into a near state of depression in October. After I came down from the high of passing the bar, I realized that I was jobless and I had bills being thrown at me from every direction. To top it off I was back in Miami which was the last place on earth I wanted to be. It seemed like everyday the enemy was attacking me every way he knew how. I had no money, bill collectors calling me and doors for jobs were being slammed in my face all at once. It was baaaaaad!! There were days that I wondered why me and all I could do was cry. But God being God showed up on a day when I was feeling real bad. I was listening to the radio or something and the words of Kirk Franklin's song Smile gave me life, literally! "I know God is working so I smile. Even though I've been here for a while, I smile." I realized that despite what I was going through God was working behind the scenes and I had no reason to feel the way I was feeling. And to put a stamp on it to let me know that it was Him ministering to me, He led me to Romans 8:28 which says "ALL things work together for the the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose!" I knew I had to trust Him at His word and believe that there was a reason that I was broke and jobless and that it was somehow serving a purpose for my future!

Still, I needed to get away from everything that reminded of what I was going through so when my big sis called and asked me to come visit I hopped on the first plane to the DMV and I spent the last three weeks of 2011 there. During my visit God showed me that I did not completely trust Him like I thought I did. He brought back to my remembrance that He placed in my spirit the desire to move to the DMV a while ago. He reminded me that I came up with every excuse as to why I couldn't go: no job, no money, too cold, too far from family etc and that I completely dismissed Him. I thank God that even when we miss Him, He still finds us. I realized that I needed to do my part in this faith walk and completely trust God, so as I got on the plane back to Miami on NYE 2011 I decided that I wasn't going to let anything or anyone stop me from pursuing my dreams. I had heard so many times that God does not give us a vision without first making provision for us to see our vision through, so I decided that the first thing I was going to do in 2012 was move to the DMV. I did not know how I was going to do it, but I knew that if it was in God's will for my life Jesus would make it happen!

Despite being completely broke I started looking for apartments. Its crazy that the first person that I contacted was the apartment I moved into. I committed to moving into an apartment not knowing how I was going to qualify and pay for it with no income. I remember everyday just praying "Lord if its your will I know that you will work it out." And he did just that. He set it up so that I did not need any income to be added to the lease, all I needed to do was pass the background check and He reminded me that I had a storage unit full of furniture in Gainesville that I could sale and use the proceeds to pay my travel expenses and my first month's rent. Although I did not make the money that I wanted to from selling my things it was enough to pay for everything I needed. I arrived in the DMV February 7, 2012, had a job interview on February 9, 2012 and started working February 16, 2012. God is Amazing!!!!!!!!

The biggest lesson I learned in 2012 was to completely trust God. Life will seldom go the way we plan it but it will always go just as God planned. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." If we believe this, then we must trust that no matter how a situation looks and how the odds are stacked against us, ALL things will work together for our good if we love the Lord and are called according to his purpose!! I am sooo excited to see the plans that God has for me this year and I challenge you to completely trust Him in 2013!!

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond the Pretty!

Letter To My Younger Self!

Dearest Alkeyvia,

Everything that you are and everything that you will become is because of your relationship with Jesus. It is very important that you know that having a relationship with Him is the most important relationship that you will ever have. Although, your mother and brothers will offer you advice, He alone is the ONLY one that can direct you down the right path. Hold on to that relationship no matter what because He is all you will ever need. He will be your provider in times of lack, your comforter in times of sorrow, your strength in times of weakness, your peace in times of trouble, your healer in times of sickness and your biggest supporter in times of triumph. He loves you like no man ever will.

You may look around right now and all you see is poverty, drugs and pain but if you will keep pressing forward and trusting God I promise you that Jesus will take you to places that you never dreamed of. Remember you can do ALL things through Christ!

You WILL make mistakes in life and do things that you aren't exactly proud of, but do not allow those things to have you living in fear. Know that God says in his word that NOTHING that we could possibly do will ever separate us from his love. Stand on Romans 8 verses 38-39  ^"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Do not be so hard on yourself! Forgive yourself for the mistakes you will make and for the things you will do that you aren't too proud of. Learn from them and move forward. Do not beat yourself up or dwell on the past, it will not define you or the woman that you will become. Know that you serve a FORGIVING not a condemning God. Jesus says in His word that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and that He will forgive our wickedness and remember our sins no more. If God can forgive you, then you MUST forgive yourself and leave your past behind you.

Love who you see when you look in the mirror. Do not ever be afraid or ashamed of who you are. Yes you will make mistakes but you are a child of the most high and You ARE a Proverbs 31 woman and don't you ever forget that. See yourself as God sees you; as chosen, set apart, approved, and accepted into heaven. Knowing who you are and setting standards for yourself will be an integral part of the woman you will become.   

Despite your bothers efforts to protect you, your heart will be broken. But at the end of every relationship rejoice in knowing that you dodged a bullet! Know that he was not God's will for your life and move on! The man that God has for you will love you like Jesus loves His church. He will be willing to lay down his life so that you can live an abundant one.

Life will not always go as planned hun! You won't be married and done having kids at 29, you won't go to law school when you want and you won't get a job right out of law school. There will be too many times when you won't get what YOU want, But all that is OK!! You will realize that what you need will be far better than what you want. Remember that the plan that God has for you is far better than any plan you can ever have for yourself.

If you remember nothing else I have said, remember to be patient, to forgive yourself when you make mistakes and most importantly, TRUST God!

Love,

Your 28 year old self!

The devil is a Liar!!

In one of my first post I wrote about some of the insecurities I have dealt with over the years. One may look at me and think that because I seem to have it together on the outside, that my inside must be just as nice but that could not be far from the truth. In reality, for a long time I have been so messed up on the inside that it began to manifest itself on the outside. Allow me to explain.....

My first year of law school did not go as well as planned. In fact it was filled with a lot of hard ache and pain and constant, presitent insecure thoughts. I found myself questioning if law school was really the place for me because I felt so out of place. After my first year of law school I really began to wonder who I was, it was as if I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and I did not recognize the person looking back at me. I found myself questioning God's love for me and there were times when I wanted to pray but I just couldn't. I felt like I was not good enough to talk to God so instead of getting on my knees, I would just lay in my bed and cry. I did not realize it at the time but I had managed to allow satan to fill my head with lies about who I was. He tried to tell me that I was not good enough and even provided me with several examples of the mistakes that I had made to emphasize his point.

But Thank God that I have a praying mother!! I remember my mom calling me oneday asking me what was wrong with me. I sat there in complete silence because truth be told I had no answer because I really had no idea what was wrong with me. The next thing out her mouth went something like "don't you know that God loves you and He has great plans for your life." The tears just began to roll because I knew that God was using my mom to speak to me, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I thank God for my mom being obedient to the Spirit and calling me that day because I could have fell into a deep depression if I had continued to allow satan to speak lies to me. During that conversation with my mom every lie that satan had spoken to me was extinguished and a huge dark cloud was lifted from over me. I believe I rededicated my life to Christ that day and I started going to church and reading and praying and just getting to know Jesus all over again.

The one thing that we cannot do is allow satan to tell us anything about ourselves. The bible tells us that satan is a liar and the father of lies, so we must remember that a liar can NEVER tell us the truth about ourselves because that is just not who he is. He is a liar by nature, therefore we have to know that every thought that he tries to place in our minds is a lie!! I dare you to declare this day that you will NEVER listen to another lie that satan tells you, I guarantee that you life will be changed like never before.

Tune in SOON to see what else lies Beyond the Pretty

P.S. I know this was a short post but it is laying the foundation for my next post!

Why Won't He Act Right??

Recently I had 2 separate conversations about the same subject with two different people which sparked me to write this post. I am constantly going through my Twitter and Facebook feeds and I have to admit that I get a bit annoyed at some of the posts I read from my fellow members of the female persuasion. I am constantly reading their frustrations with the guys they are dating and I have to just shake my head sometimes because women tend to forget the power that we hold. Contrary to what a man wants to admit, it is the woman that holds most of the power in the relationship, but our problem is women are so quick to give up that power that we never realize that we had any in the first place. Don't believe me, lets go to the book of Genesis to the story of the first man and woman God created. Chapter 2 tells the story of God creating man but starting with verse 15 is where we want to focus for the purpose of proving my point with an emphasis on verses 16 and 17...

¹⁵ The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁶ And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”   

God gave strict instructions to Adam (the man) to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Eve was not even thought of until after God gave Adam this commandment. However, Adam being the man that he was disobeyed a direct order from God and ate the fruit because Eve (the woman) told him to. Now tell me that is not power!!   

However, over time we have relinquished our God given power and have let men run wild and treat us any kind of way. As a result we constantly complain that “there are no good men left in this world.” I know this because for a long time I felt the same way until God  recently opened my eyes and He even allowed me to experience a few good ones first hand. It is such a cliche to say this but at some point we as women have to stop, take a step back, evaluate the situation and see where the problem really lies. More often than not I think we will find that it is not them (men) that is the problem but the problem is with us (women). A man can only do to us what we allow him to do. Before you start going off on me please allow me to explain. Think of the last guy that you dated or the guy that you are currently dating and ask yourself these simple questions…. 

1.      Where did you meet him?

      

      If your answer is at a club or anything similar then that should give you a clue as to why things did not / are not working. 9 times out of 10 a guy is not going to the club to find the 1 but the one he can take home that night and play with for the next couple of weeks. I said 9 times out of 10 because there is always an exception to every rule. Our problem as women is that we always seem to think that we are the exception instead of the rule. We really have to get out of that grey area mindset and start seeing things black and white because it will be so more beneficial to us in the long run.

2.    Did you meet him or did he meet you?

       

      Today it seems like the roles of a man and a woman have been reversed. All to often it is the women doing the courting instead of the man and we wonder why this is so? It starts with the initial meeting, nowadays it is the woman approaching the man instead of the other way around. We know this is so out of order because the Bible in Proverbs 18:22 clearly states that "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. " It does not say anything about the wife finding the man. So ask yourself was it me that approached him or was it him that approached me. If it was you (the woman) that assumed the initial role of the man then do not be surprised if you are still playing that role. Do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with you making a little eye contact to show the man that you are interested and available but he should be the one seeking you out (read the book of Ruth chapter 3, Naomi instructed Ruth to make herself known to Boaz, but it was Boaz that made the first move).   

3.      Did you let your expectations be known early on?

      

      Too often as women we let the guy dictate the course of the relationship and just go with his flow and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you all are flowing in the same direction. Unfortunately this is very seldom the case. If a relationship is what you are looking for you should let that be known sooner rather than later. One thing we have to learn as women is that guys are one track minded and they usually go off whatever vibes we give them. So if you are just giving him homegirl vibes then that is how he is going to treat you, just like one of the boys. If you giving it up without a commitment well expect him to have multiple girls calling his phone at all hours of the night because in his mind he’s single and in reality he is. However, if you let a guy know early on that what you desire is commitment he’s either going to man up and give you what you want or he’s going to run like the boy that he is, in which case you did not want/need that anyway. I think too often as women we are afraid to say what we want out of fear that we are going to run the guy away but to a guy that is looking for the same thing that you want, to him you will be a breath of fresh air.

5.   Is he letting the world know you are his woman?

      Make no mistake about it, when a guy is really into the woman he is dating and he is thinking long term he will want the world to know that you are off limits. He will not care if you post pictures of the two of you on any of the social media platforms because he wants the world to know you are no longer on the market. A sub-question to this is where are the two of you spending most of your time? If the answer to that question is his place or yours then that is a good sign that he is not looking for anything long term with you because he does not even want anyone to see the two of you together. A guy that is thinking long term will care less who sees the two of you together. Also, there seems to be a trend where females are constantly referring to the guy in their life as dude or something similar but never by his name or an official title and I find this to be cause for alarm as well. If there is commitment then there is a title and you should be able to shout his name from the rooftop period. In the beginning its true you are just dating and getting to know each other but when a guy wants you off the market and all to himself a title will follow, after all all with the ultimate commitment don't you get the title of a wife. I think sometimes we try to sugar coat these things and we trick ourselves into saying we are doing this because we do not want people in our business (and we should not let the world know what we are doing in our relationships) but if we are truly honest with ourselves we want everyone to know _____ is my man and I am his woman.       

4.      Do you know what it is that you want?

      Too many times we say that we want to be in a relationship and we want to be married but do not realize the time and effort it takes to make a relationship work. Everything is always peachy in the beginning but the real test comes when the honeymoon phase is over. Being ready for a husband takes preparation that only God can provide. We have to be free of the hurt and pain of previous relationships gone wrong and that is something only Jesus can cleanse us from. Often this means giving up dating for a while and spending time with the Lord. Additionally, being a wife means more than cooking and cleaning for your husband. We have to take on the role of supporter, encourager, uplifer, lover, prayer, friend and so much more. It is often a wife's responsibility to push a husband into his God ordained destiny and that is not something that will be easy. So before you say that you want a husband ask yourself is it the wedding that you want or the marriage because there is a big difference between the two.

Therfore, I urge you all before you go writing every man off as being no good to take a second or two or three or an hour, couple of days or months and evaluate whatever situation it is that you are in and really dig deep and see if there are some things in you that need to be changed. I will be the first to tell you that self evaluation is tough and very unpleasant but it is needed if you truly want the man that God has for you. I've been through this difficult process and I am still going through it at this very moment, but trust and believe that I am so much more in love with the me that I am today than the me I was 3yrs ago when I started this process. I have no doubt that the man God has for me is just around the corner so it no longer bothers me (I admit it does sting a little bit, this last one sure did lol) when I meet a guy and it does not work out because I know the things I have done to prepare for my husband and I simply write it off as he was just not the one. Women hold so much power and we can save ourselves so much heartache if we simply let go of the fear of being alone and rejected and start letting the members of the opposite sex that we allow in our lives know up front exactly what our expectations are. Remember a guy can only do to you what you allow him to do.

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond the Pretty!

Honor Thy Father And Mother.

In honor of my beautiful mother I have come out of hiding lol to dedicate this post to her. I love you mommy.

The bible tells us in Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. The bible further explains in Ephesians 6:2 to "Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." Today is a day that we take time out to honor the women in our lives that have taken care of us and nurtured us and loved us.

However, I think that the world we live in has distorted our thinking and beliefs on what the above scriptures really mean. Sadly today I see a lot of us not giving our parents or elders for that matter the honor that they truly deserve. We say we love them but we are quick to flat out disrespect them when they do something that we don't like or when we ask them for something and they tell us no. Little do we know that we are actually hurting ourselves and not them with our dishonor. Lets take a look at the above scriptures again and you will see what I am talking about.

Exodus chapter 20 starts by God speaking the 10 commandments to Moses. Verse 12 lays out the 5th of the 10 commandments. I'm sure that all of us know that the bible tells us to honor our mother and father but often times we forget that this is actually one of the 10 commandments. Yep thats right!! It is right above "you shall not murder" and right below "Remember the Sabbath by keeping it holy." Remeber from Sunday achools that the 10 commandments were given in order of their importance. Therefore recognize that to God dishonoring our parents is greater than committing murder.

If we cross reference Exodus 20:12 we will be led to Ephesians 6. As I stated above the 5th commandment is the 1st commandment that comes with a promise - "that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" or as it is stated in Ephesians 6 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." We learned opposites in elementary school and I think that that is the best way for us to look at this promise. If we honor our parents we will have a long life and things will be well with us while we live here on earth but if we dishonor our parents our days on earth will be shortened and filled with a lot of bad days.

A further look into the scripture will also reveal that no where does it say that we should give honor only when our parents deserve it and withhold it when they do not. All God said was to honor your father and mother period. Honor is one of those things that God believes should be freely given no matter what a person does or says to us. If you do not believe me go to I Samuel 24 with me......

After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, “David is in the Desert of En Gedi. ” 2 So Saul took three thousand able young men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats. 3 He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. 4 The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.

5 Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. 6 He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” 7 With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way. 8 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground.

Let me give you a little background before we talk about the scriptures above. Isreal wanted a king like some of the other great nations so the Lord had Samuel to annoint Saul as the king of Israel but during his reign he did some things that were not pleasing in the Lord's sight. God therefore rejected Saul as king and subsequently commanded Samuel to anoint David as king to take Saul's place. At the moment David was annointed the Spirit of the Lord was with him and departed from Saul to the point where Saul was tormented by demons. This made Saul very angry and he developed a hatred for David and he tried several times to kill him, which leads us to the scriptures above.

Although Saul had just come back from pursuing the Philistines, he still had enough energy left to pursue David because he wanted him dead. Instead the Lord delivered Saul into David's hand to do with him as he pleased. It is clear from the scripture that David could have killed Saul if he wanted to as evidence by the fact he was able to cut off a corner of Saul's robe without being noticed. Although David had the opportunity to kill the man that had been pursuing him for years to kill him, David spared his life  because he still honored Saul as king so much that he felt guilty for cutting a piece of Saul's robe and despite the way Saul had treated him, David still saw him as "my master, the Lord’s anointed,  My lord the king." David honored him to the point that even though Saul wanted his life "David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground" before Saul. Many of us would have taken this opportunity to get rid of Saul and would not have given it a second thought. But we learn from David that no matter what our parents do to us or have done to us our duty as children is to honor them with the respect that they deserve inspite of their short comings.
So what happens when we dishonor our parents??? I'm glad you asked! Lets go to Matthew 13:53-58...

53 When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. 54 Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?” they asked. 55 “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? 56 Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” 57 And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.” 58 And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.

You see the people who grew up with Jesus did not honor him as the Son of God. Instead they saw him as the carpenter’s son, Mary's son, and the brother of James, Joseph, Simon and Judas. Jesus response was that "a prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home." And because of their dishonor Jesus did not perform many miracles there. This is the same thing that happens to us when we dishonor our parents, our days are shortened and our time spent on earth is filled with bad days. I learned in church that honor produces a culture of miraculous blessings and we see from the scripture above that dishonor produces a culture void of miraculous blessing.

Therfore, my prayer today for myself especially and for those reading this is "Lord do not let the dishonor in my heart hinder you Jesus from doing the miraculous things in my life."

Until next time.....

Fear Not!!

Merriam-Webster defines fear as "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." It further defines afraid as "filled with fear or apprehension." If we break the definition of fear down into the words I have highlighted for you, you will see that fear is based on an unpleasant emotion (we all know that letting our emotions control us can wreak havoc on our lives, we must learn to not act on our emotions and keep them in check). The key part of the definition comes at the end "an anticipation or awareness of DANGER." Naturally anyone is going to experience some sort of fear if they believe they are in DANGER. Therefore outside of one feeling a sense of DANGER, fear is an emotion that we should very rarely experience (after all how many days out of the week do we REALLY feel like we are in danger?) Despite this though some of us live our lives in constant fear often times without even knowing.

One of my favorite sayings is that you should never be afraid to ask someone for something because all they can do is tell you no. But how many of us know that hearing the word NO can sometimes be so detrimental to our self esteem that we often just avoid asking the question altogether to avoid being hurt or feeling that uncomfortable feeling of rejection.  We often never look at the other side of the coin and think that maybe just maybe us getting that NO is setting us up for an even bigger YES from God or that maybe hearing that NO is just what we need to refocus on the things that are actually good for us.

Recently God revealed to me, through two simple (yet complicated) conversations I had with my mom and my sister-n-law, that I had been living in fear and that I have been afraid to do some things that I really wanted to do. The crazy thing is that I had no idea that my actions were actually a result of fear (or being afraid). As a child of God I know better than to fear anything but the Lord himself, but Jesus being who He is showed me that I was doing just the opposite. Here's the story....

I believe the conversation with my sister-n-law came first. She is one of the few people that I can go to and get spiritual advice regarding relationships so she is usually the first person I call when I need a Godly perspective on a situation often involving a person of the opposite sex. So I call her up and I start explaining the situation to her. Because I am letting go of my fears I will give you all a brief exert from the conversation......

Sis- So have you tried to call?
Me- I texted a couple of times but I have not called
Sis- WHY?
Me- Because
Sis- Because what? Are you scared?
Me- No (while giggling). I just don't want to get my feelings hurt.
Sis - So you are scared?
Me- No, I just don't like rejection.
Sis- So u a scaerdy cat?
Me- NOOOOOO
God and Sis - YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing about God is that when he is trying to show you something He always sends you confirmation. The very next day my mom and I were having a conversation about me telling someone how I felt about them and she asked me the exact same question that my sister-n-law did the previous day. "Are you afraid?" And true to form she starting quoting scripture to me.

Mom-  The bible says I shall not fear what man can do to me. So you tell him how you feel and if he does not feel the same way OK, you get it out and then you can move on. What is there to be afraid of.
Me- Speechless.

From that day forward it was as if God was holding a fear mirror in front of me because he literally showed me throughout my normal day when I was afraid to do something through something as simple as asking someone a question or something a little more complicates like moving forward with my career plans. The crazy thing was He was talking to me just like my mom and sister-n-law would. It all hit home for me when He began to show me that it was fear that has been holding me back from trusting Him in some areas of my life. About half way through law school I realized that I did not want to live in Florida after graduation, but I did not know where I wanted to go. My heart was set on DC until they had that snow storm and I was like this Florida girl cannot deal with that. ATL came to mind (after I met someone there) but I was like I do not want to take two bars so I eventually went back to DC and had my heart set on moving there after graduation. Then came the devil with his little stumbling blocks (you have to know that when God puts something in your heart, the devil comes immediately to try and snatch the word away). The scripture tell us this in Mark 4 with the parable of the farmer scattering seed.....

 ³ “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. ⁴ As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. ⁵ Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. ⁸ Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

 ¹⁴ The farmer plants seed by taking God’s word to others. ¹⁵ The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message, only to have Satan come at once and take it away. ¹⁶ The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. ¹⁷ But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. ¹⁸ The seed that fell among the thorns represents others who hear God’s word, ¹⁹ but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. ²⁰ And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

The seed was planted when God answered my prayer to lead me and guide to where He wanted me to be which was DC. At first the seed fell on the footpath and satan began to immediately whisper in my ear that it was too cold in DC saying that I would never survive there and the word went out the window when I agreed with him. But God being the merciful and loving God that He is replanted the seed again, but the next time it wasn't immediately taken away, nope this time it fell among thorns. You see it took root and began to grow, but I started experiencing financial hardships and I knew I would need money to make the move. I had no job and therfore no income so I came to the "logical" conclusion that I could not move without a job. You see I allowed the worries of life to get in the way so the seed it didn't produce any fruit. However, because I have learned to continue to pray despite how things look on the outside and because I have a praying mother Jesus once again being the loving and merciful Savior that he is began to show me that I let satan steal the seed that He planted in me but because He is God He tells us this in Isaiah 46:9-10.......

⁹ Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me.

 ¹⁰ Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. 

God showed me that every precaution that I was taking was actually being done out of fear. Every time I said I can't go to DC without a job or without any money I was actually doubting Him. God tells us in His word that for every vision that He has given us He has already made provision for us. Which means that if He has placed a purpose in our life whether it be to start a business, go to school (or go back to school), write a book, teach, move to an unfamiliar place, whatever it may be He has already placed the necessary people and things in place to accomplish His plan. Remember the story of Elijah and the widow in 1 Kings 17. Elijah did not hesitate once or make en excuse of why he could not go when God told him to go, he just went trusting God at His word, that God had already made provision for him.   

Then the word of the LORD came to him: ⁹ “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” ¹⁰ So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” ¹¹ As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”  ¹² “As surely as the LORD your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”
 ¹³ Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. ¹⁴ For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”

You see God knew exactly what He was doing when He told Elijah to go, He already knew that the widow would be there to provide for Elijah. It was up to Elijah to act on the word that God had spoken to him. Not only did God make provision for Elijah He also provided for the widow and her son as well. I urge you all to follow Elijah's example and trust Jesus at His word. Believe that that vision He has given you, that purpose that He has placed in your heart He has already made provision for you. He is just waiting on you to step out and trust Him on His word. He tells us that His word WILL accomplish what it is set out to do and it WILL NOT return to Him void.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. ⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ¹⁰ As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, ¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  

We often think small, but God thinks big, He looks at the BIG picture. I do not know about you but I will not allow satan to steal another word that God has given me. I am constantly praying to not allow another day to go bye with me living in fear especially when it concerns purpose that God has placed in me. I am currently in the works of making my move to DC and I urge you all to step out too. I am determined to trust God no matter how things look around me. After all there is nothing Pretty about about being fearful!

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty!!!.