So in my last post I discussed that ill feeling of not being married that tends to creep up in me every now and than. For a long time I had this belief that I was missing something and that when my husband finally comes everything will magically be all right. For years I went to scripture trying to figure out what the Bible said about marriage and dating and finding "the one". But for the scriptures I found on marriage I was coming up empty and I thought that I was not hearing from God at all. I tried looking at some of the great relationships in the Bible but nothing seemed to help me. This desire to be married and sense of emptiness began to really eat me up inside. I just did not understand why God was not giving me guidance in this area of relationships.
During this time of me searching for answers, I started to feel really convicted (far from condemned) in this area. I felt that I had made those things idols because I was putting them before God. All I could hear was a cry from God telling me to seek Him FIRST and that my wholeness was found in Him and that void I was feeling could only be filled by Him. I was experiencing God being jealous for me and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was actually the exact feeling that I was seeking from a man. I knew that God loved me more than any man ever could and from that day forth I began to focus on my relationship with God making it my #1 priority. I eliminated things that I felt like was hindering my walk and I stopped praying for God to send my husband. I wanted God to know that I was serious and that He was more than enough for me and that if He never gave me those things I would still love Him with my whole heart.
I began to seek out groups within my church that would help grow my relationship with God. For the past year or so all I've been doing is focusing on my relationship with God. In doing so God really began to speak to me and show me that I needed to work on becoming a better me. He started to show me some things about my ways were not His ways and were not lining up with His word. So my prayer has been for God to just show me His heart so that I can be more like Him. To love like He loves, to serve like He serves, give like He gives and show compassion like he does. I just really want to be more like Christ more than anything else in this world.
You see I have learned that God really is a jealous God. Meaning that He loves us so much that He does not want us to give away what rightly belongs to Him. He desires our honor, worship and praise and when we give that away to things and people we hurt Him. We must at all times seek Him first. It is when we show Him that He is first in our lives that He will began to give us those desires that He placed in us.
To Be Continued.............
