This is one of my most intimate posts yet, but as I have said before I am more than willing to share the most intimate parts of me if it means helping someone else. So here goes nothing.
I have often be criticized for having "very high standards." People that I thought knew me best have said to me that I need to lower my expectations when it comes to a mate. In the last week alone I have been called shallow because I will not date a man that does not have job, is not career oriented, and that does not have a clear plan for his future. I believe that most of this criticism stems from a relationship I had in the past. Yes it is true that I dated a guy with "status", but people have chosen to forget that I was with him, before the "status" came and would have been with him if it had never come. However, despite what I know to be true, I have still struggled with this issue and have often questioned myself and really entertained the idea of maybe lowering my standards. I really considered this after having a conversation with one of my best friends. Apparently, one of our other friends felt that I don't "work with guys" and that any guy I meet I expect him to be already together with a six figure salary. I admit upon hearing this my blood began to boil and I got really upset. I thought that this was one of the people that always had my back when others criticized me in this area. But before I said anything I stopped and gathered my thoughts and proceeded to explain why my standards are so high.
I explained to her that when I made the decision to give my life to Christ I became a joint heir with Christ meaning that EVERYTHING that God would share with Christ he would share with me. This further meant that I should look to the Bible for guidance in EVERY area of my life especially when it comes to what I should expect from a mate. Notice that I used the word expect instead of looked for because I would be out of order if I was out looking and searching for a mate because the Bible declares that when a man FINDS a wife he FINDS a good thing. I gained this knowledge not through self but by praying and reading the Bible. Although Jesus never married He was and is the ultimate example of what EVERY woman (not just myself) should expect from a man, but you can read my previous entry to get that information.
Proverbs 31discuses a wife of noble character and sets the standard for what EVERY woman should aspire to be. It starts by first letting a woman know her worth (if you do not know your worth you will not know what to expect). It then begins to discuss how a woman is a man's most precious asset, he depends on her and trusts her and she is good to him. (Right about now everything should start to come into perspective for you as to what a woman should expect from a man if he expects all these things from her.) If you skip down a couple verses to verse 23 it tells us that a Prover 31 Woman's husband is a well-known and respected leader in the city (light bulb I should be expecting a man that is well-known and respected in the city.)
I explained to my friend that I have come to realize that sometime we as women feel like we have to lower our expectations when it comes to a mate. I really am not sure where this mentality has come from but its a popular saying amongst black women that all the black men are either broke, in jail, married or gay. So when we meet someone that meets half of whats on the list (your list not God's list) than JACKPOT. But ladies I beg to differ, there are certain things that God expects from a man and as such if you are a woman of God you should too. Let me put it like this, if you have not settled and have refused to settle in other areas of your life stop feeling the need to lower your expectations when it comes to relationships. You would never say "well she did my hair half right so I'll pay her" or "this outfit is okay so I'll buy it." Therefore, you should not lower your standards when it comes to a relationship.
I then went on to explain to my friend that I have worked EXTREMELY hard to get to where I am and have NEVER settled for mediocre before. As such, when I meet a man I expect for him to have worked equally as hard to get to where he is. Therefore if I meet a man who is around my age or older that does not know what he wants in life or that does not have a solid plan in place (and working on it) to get to for where he wants to be then I know (because of the things God has revealed to me) that he IS NOT God's will for my life so NO WE CAN NOT date sorry (you should NEVER date someone who you know is not God's will for your life it can have dangerous consequences.).
Allow me to give you an example of what happens when a woman gets anxious and chooses to lower her standards instead of believing God for exactly what she asked for. In Genesis 16 Sarah became tired of waiting for God to bless her husband with the son He had promised to him so she took matters into her own hands. Sarah gave her servant Hagar to her husband. Not long after her servant became pregnant Sarah became extremely jealous forcing Abraham to choose between his son and his wife. You see God had an appointed time for when Sarah would bear Abraham's chosen son, but Sarah chose to lower her expectations and have a child through surrogacy rather than waiting to bare her own.
So you see it is not me that has "high standards" but God himself has set high standards for His chosen people. By God's standards I should be expecting a mate that know's I am far more precious than rubies, that has full confidence in me, that lacks nothing of value, that is well-known and respected in the city, that is a provider, that loves me as Christ loves the church, and that knows that there a plenty of good woman out there but he regards me as being the best one for him. These are standards that are set by God, therefore if a man lacks any of these when he attempts to date me than it immediately tells me the this man IS NOT God's will for Alkeyvia's life. I am patiently awaiting an praying for my Boaz and ladies you should too.
