Honor Thy Father And Mother.

In honor of my beautiful mother I have come out of hiding lol to dedicate this post to her. I love you mommy.

The bible tells us in Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. The bible further explains in Ephesians 6:2 to "Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." Today is a day that we take time out to honor the women in our lives that have taken care of us and nurtured us and loved us.

However, I think that the world we live in has distorted our thinking and beliefs on what the above scriptures really mean. Sadly today I see a lot of us not giving our parents or elders for that matter the honor that they truly deserve. We say we love them but we are quick to flat out disrespect them when they do something that we don't like or when we ask them for something and they tell us no. Little do we know that we are actually hurting ourselves and not them with our dishonor. Lets take a look at the above scriptures again and you will see what I am talking about.

Exodus chapter 20 starts by God speaking the 10 commandments to Moses. Verse 12 lays out the 5th of the 10 commandments. I'm sure that all of us know that the bible tells us to honor our mother and father but often times we forget that this is actually one of the 10 commandments. Yep thats right!! It is right above "you shall not murder" and right below "Remember the Sabbath by keeping it holy." Remeber from Sunday achools that the 10 commandments were given in order of their importance. Therefore recognize that to God dishonoring our parents is greater than committing murder.

If we cross reference Exodus 20:12 we will be led to Ephesians 6. As I stated above the 5th commandment is the 1st commandment that comes with a promise - "that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" or as it is stated in Ephesians 6 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." We learned opposites in elementary school and I think that that is the best way for us to look at this promise. If we honor our parents we will have a long life and things will be well with us while we live here on earth but if we dishonor our parents our days on earth will be shortened and filled with a lot of bad days.

A further look into the scripture will also reveal that no where does it say that we should give honor only when our parents deserve it and withhold it when they do not. All God said was to honor your father and mother period. Honor is one of those things that God believes should be freely given no matter what a person does or says to us. If you do not believe me go to I Samuel 24 with me......

After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, “David is in the Desert of En Gedi. ” 2 So Saul took three thousand able young men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats. 3 He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. 4 The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.

5 Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. 6 He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” 7 With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way. 8 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground.

Let me give you a little background before we talk about the scriptures above. Isreal wanted a king like some of the other great nations so the Lord had Samuel to annoint Saul as the king of Israel but during his reign he did some things that were not pleasing in the Lord's sight. God therefore rejected Saul as king and subsequently commanded Samuel to anoint David as king to take Saul's place. At the moment David was annointed the Spirit of the Lord was with him and departed from Saul to the point where Saul was tormented by demons. This made Saul very angry and he developed a hatred for David and he tried several times to kill him, which leads us to the scriptures above.

Although Saul had just come back from pursuing the Philistines, he still had enough energy left to pursue David because he wanted him dead. Instead the Lord delivered Saul into David's hand to do with him as he pleased. It is clear from the scripture that David could have killed Saul if he wanted to as evidence by the fact he was able to cut off a corner of Saul's robe without being noticed. Although David had the opportunity to kill the man that had been pursuing him for years to kill him, David spared his life  because he still honored Saul as king so much that he felt guilty for cutting a piece of Saul's robe and despite the way Saul had treated him, David still saw him as "my master, the Lord’s anointed,  My lord the king." David honored him to the point that even though Saul wanted his life "David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground" before Saul. Many of us would have taken this opportunity to get rid of Saul and would not have given it a second thought. But we learn from David that no matter what our parents do to us or have done to us our duty as children is to honor them with the respect that they deserve inspite of their short comings.
So what happens when we dishonor our parents??? I'm glad you asked! Lets go to Matthew 13:53-58...

53 When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. 54 Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?” they asked. 55 “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? 56 Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” 57 And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.” 58 And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.

You see the people who grew up with Jesus did not honor him as the Son of God. Instead they saw him as the carpenter’s son, Mary's son, and the brother of James, Joseph, Simon and Judas. Jesus response was that "a prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home." And because of their dishonor Jesus did not perform many miracles there. This is the same thing that happens to us when we dishonor our parents, our days are shortened and our time spent on earth is filled with bad days. I learned in church that honor produces a culture of miraculous blessings and we see from the scripture above that dishonor produces a culture void of miraculous blessing.

Therfore, my prayer today for myself especially and for those reading this is "Lord do not let the dishonor in my heart hinder you Jesus from doing the miraculous things in my life."

Until next time.....

Fear Not!!

Merriam-Webster defines fear as "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." It further defines afraid as "filled with fear or apprehension." If we break the definition of fear down into the words I have highlighted for you, you will see that fear is based on an unpleasant emotion (we all know that letting our emotions control us can wreak havoc on our lives, we must learn to not act on our emotions and keep them in check). The key part of the definition comes at the end "an anticipation or awareness of DANGER." Naturally anyone is going to experience some sort of fear if they believe they are in DANGER. Therefore outside of one feeling a sense of DANGER, fear is an emotion that we should very rarely experience (after all how many days out of the week do we REALLY feel like we are in danger?) Despite this though some of us live our lives in constant fear often times without even knowing.

One of my favorite sayings is that you should never be afraid to ask someone for something because all they can do is tell you no. But how many of us know that hearing the word NO can sometimes be so detrimental to our self esteem that we often just avoid asking the question altogether to avoid being hurt or feeling that uncomfortable feeling of rejection.  We often never look at the other side of the coin and think that maybe just maybe us getting that NO is setting us up for an even bigger YES from God or that maybe hearing that NO is just what we need to refocus on the things that are actually good for us.

Recently God revealed to me, through two simple (yet complicated) conversations I had with my mom and my sister-n-law, that I had been living in fear and that I have been afraid to do some things that I really wanted to do. The crazy thing is that I had no idea that my actions were actually a result of fear (or being afraid). As a child of God I know better than to fear anything but the Lord himself, but Jesus being who He is showed me that I was doing just the opposite. Here's the story....

I believe the conversation with my sister-n-law came first. She is one of the few people that I can go to and get spiritual advice regarding relationships so she is usually the first person I call when I need a Godly perspective on a situation often involving a person of the opposite sex. So I call her up and I start explaining the situation to her. Because I am letting go of my fears I will give you all a brief exert from the conversation......

Sis- So have you tried to call?
Me- I texted a couple of times but I have not called
Sis- WHY?
Me- Because
Sis- Because what? Are you scared?
Me- No (while giggling). I just don't want to get my feelings hurt.
Sis - So you are scared?
Me- No, I just don't like rejection.
Sis- So u a scaerdy cat?
Me- NOOOOOO
God and Sis - YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing about God is that when he is trying to show you something He always sends you confirmation. The very next day my mom and I were having a conversation about me telling someone how I felt about them and she asked me the exact same question that my sister-n-law did the previous day. "Are you afraid?" And true to form she starting quoting scripture to me.

Mom-  The bible says I shall not fear what man can do to me. So you tell him how you feel and if he does not feel the same way OK, you get it out and then you can move on. What is there to be afraid of.
Me- Speechless.

From that day forward it was as if God was holding a fear mirror in front of me because he literally showed me throughout my normal day when I was afraid to do something through something as simple as asking someone a question or something a little more complicates like moving forward with my career plans. The crazy thing was He was talking to me just like my mom and sister-n-law would. It all hit home for me when He began to show me that it was fear that has been holding me back from trusting Him in some areas of my life. About half way through law school I realized that I did not want to live in Florida after graduation, but I did not know where I wanted to go. My heart was set on DC until they had that snow storm and I was like this Florida girl cannot deal with that. ATL came to mind (after I met someone there) but I was like I do not want to take two bars so I eventually went back to DC and had my heart set on moving there after graduation. Then came the devil with his little stumbling blocks (you have to know that when God puts something in your heart, the devil comes immediately to try and snatch the word away). The scripture tell us this in Mark 4 with the parable of the farmer scattering seed.....

 ³ “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. ⁴ As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. ⁵ Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. ⁸ Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

 ¹⁴ The farmer plants seed by taking God’s word to others. ¹⁵ The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message, only to have Satan come at once and take it away. ¹⁶ The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. ¹⁷ But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. ¹⁸ The seed that fell among the thorns represents others who hear God’s word, ¹⁹ but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. ²⁰ And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

The seed was planted when God answered my prayer to lead me and guide to where He wanted me to be which was DC. At first the seed fell on the footpath and satan began to immediately whisper in my ear that it was too cold in DC saying that I would never survive there and the word went out the window when I agreed with him. But God being the merciful and loving God that He is replanted the seed again, but the next time it wasn't immediately taken away, nope this time it fell among thorns. You see it took root and began to grow, but I started experiencing financial hardships and I knew I would need money to make the move. I had no job and therfore no income so I came to the "logical" conclusion that I could not move without a job. You see I allowed the worries of life to get in the way so the seed it didn't produce any fruit. However, because I have learned to continue to pray despite how things look on the outside and because I have a praying mother Jesus once again being the loving and merciful Savior that he is began to show me that I let satan steal the seed that He planted in me but because He is God He tells us this in Isaiah 46:9-10.......

⁹ Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me.

 ¹⁰ Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. 

God showed me that every precaution that I was taking was actually being done out of fear. Every time I said I can't go to DC without a job or without any money I was actually doubting Him. God tells us in His word that for every vision that He has given us He has already made provision for us. Which means that if He has placed a purpose in our life whether it be to start a business, go to school (or go back to school), write a book, teach, move to an unfamiliar place, whatever it may be He has already placed the necessary people and things in place to accomplish His plan. Remember the story of Elijah and the widow in 1 Kings 17. Elijah did not hesitate once or make en excuse of why he could not go when God told him to go, he just went trusting God at His word, that God had already made provision for him.   

Then the word of the LORD came to him: ⁹ “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” ¹⁰ So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” ¹¹ As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”  ¹² “As surely as the LORD your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”
 ¹³ Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. ¹⁴ For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”

You see God knew exactly what He was doing when He told Elijah to go, He already knew that the widow would be there to provide for Elijah. It was up to Elijah to act on the word that God had spoken to him. Not only did God make provision for Elijah He also provided for the widow and her son as well. I urge you all to follow Elijah's example and trust Jesus at His word. Believe that that vision He has given you, that purpose that He has placed in your heart He has already made provision for you. He is just waiting on you to step out and trust Him on His word. He tells us that His word WILL accomplish what it is set out to do and it WILL NOT return to Him void.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. ⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ¹⁰ As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, ¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  

We often think small, but God thinks big, He looks at the BIG picture. I do not know about you but I will not allow satan to steal another word that God has given me. I am constantly praying to not allow another day to go bye with me living in fear especially when it concerns purpose that God has placed in me. I am currently in the works of making my move to DC and I urge you all to step out too. I am determined to trust God no matter how things look around me. After all there is nothing Pretty about about being fearful!

Tune in next time to see what else lies Beyond The Pretty!!!.  

Worthy or Worthless? Your Choice!!

It has been FOREVER since my last post. I apologize to those that were checking for new posts. I need for you all to start holding me accountable in the new year and start calling me out when you do not see a new post for a month or so. Even though I will be starting a new job soon I made a commitment to God that I would blog regularly and I would like to honor that commitment so please do not hesitate to send me an email, tweet or FB message to keep me on my toes. With that being said here goes an all new post!!!

Have you ever received an award or accomplished a goal and thought to yourself "I do not deserve this" or felt like you were just not worthy. It seems crazy but I recently felt that way after graduating from law school and passing the Florida Bar. I did not grow up in the best of situations and my life was a bit rough at times. As I was thinking back on my early childhood I just felt so unworthy of the things I had accomplished. Thank God I know a man name Jesus who deems things as worthy that others may view as worthless. Here's my story........

I did not grow up in the best of situations. My mom struggled to raise four children on her own. There were times we were on welfare, food stamps and other forms of public assistance. As Christmas is approaching I can remember times when there were very few (if any) presents under the tree. Because five people had to survive off of one income we often lived in crime infested neighborhoods. When I was about 7 or 8 years old I was outside playing with friends one day when I saw a man walk up in a long trench coat, pull out a gun and open fire on one of the apartments in my building while us kids were right there. Around that same time one of my childhood friends died from being shot in the head by a stray bullet on New Years Eve. I did not grow up in the best of situations.

As if that was not enough, I had to endure all of these struggles with no father in the picture. Although I knew my father he made a decision when I was about 6 or 7 to not be a part of my life and for a very long time I struggled with him not being there. I often wondered how a person that helped to create you could make a conscious decision to just walk away from you like you were nothing to never be heard from again. No phone calls or cards ever came on Christmas, Birthdays or other special events just complete silence. Like so many others I was a little girl left wondering why her father did not love her enough to want to be apart of her life. I did not grow up in the best of situations.

The one positive thing I had going for me during these tough times was a love for school and education. The difficulties I experienced at home rarely interfered with my school life. In elementary school I competed in math bowls and oratorical contests and was accepted in to the gifted program. My mom still has all the awards I received for math, English, handwriting etc. For middle school I was accepted into a Aerospace and Aviation Magnet program which lead to my acceptance into a Medical Magnet program for high school. When I entered high school although I had some distant relatives that went to college no one in my immediate family  had ever gone and graduated. However, my 2nd oldest brother had his sights set on going to college and much like I did most of my life I was eager to follow in his footsteps.
I did not grow up in the best of situations

Despite the way that I grew I have been able to achieve things in life that few people have. I earned a Bachelor of Science Degree from Florida State University in 2006, despite the fact that a study done in 2007 revealed that African Americans made up only 13.1% of the population on college campuses nationwide and only 43% of that 13.1% actually received a college degree. Earlier this year I accomplished an even bigger milestone when I graduated from UF Levin College of Law and became a member of the Florida Bar and officially entered the Legal Profession where African Americans make up less than 4% of all lawyers.

I say these things not to gloat or brag, but to testify and show those that grew up (or that are growing up) in similar situations that I did that where you come from does not have to dictate your future. More often than not the trials and tribulations that we experience in life are not to break us down but to build us up. Jesus tells us this in Romans 5:2-5 "Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment.

I have been blessed in life not because I was born into a wealthy family (although I was spiritually) , but because my mom knew that she had to change her life in order to give her children a brighter future. You see when I was in the 4th grade she chose to giver her life to Christ. You see it is because of the decision that she made that helped to shape not only her future but mine as well. The day she met Jesus I met Him as well. Some people think that our futures are predestined and that is true to a certain extent, but God also gives us choices and it is up to choose the right ones. If you do not believe me pick up the Bible and read it. He told Noah to build an ark and Noah made the choice to adhere to the voice of God even though he had never seen rain before. Abraham choose to go to a foreign land that he knew nothing about. Jesus although he was sent into the world with the purpose of dying on the cross consciously chose to carry out his purpose although He really did not want to (remember His prayer at Gethsemane). These people are GREAT examples that although we may be dealt a bad hand, God still gives us a way to achieve greatness. The choice becomes ours when God speaks to us and we have to decide if we are going to heed to the voice of God or do our own thing. My advice would be to always follow God because the road will be less bumpy and the future a whole lot brighter. It is not always an easy thing to do and often time we slip and make bad decisions that may have long term affects, but thanks be to God that He gives us a thing called grace and mercy that even when we mess up we get another chance to get it right.

Tune in next time to see what lies Beyond The Pretty!

Why Her???

A couple of month's ago I had a very real conversation with someone that inspired this entry. The basis of our discussion centered around the title to this entry "Why Her." Anyone who knows me knows that my all time favorite singer is Monica who happens to have a song titled "Why Her" Its crazy that a couple of days after I had the conversation I mentioned above, I was listening to my Monica Pandora station and rediscovered this song and I just knew that I had to blog about the title "WHY HER?" here's a little snippet of the chorus for those that are not familiar with the song:

Why her, why her? Did I get on your nerves? Did I give you too much that you couldn't handle my love? Why her, why her? Tell me what she was worth To make you put her first and disown me? You wanna come back, but I gotta know why her? Thought she was all that, then why you at my door? Now look at you, look at us, what's all this for? Hope you got the answer to my question, why her?

As you have probably guessed from reading the lyrics my friend (who I will hypothetically call Keisha) and I were discussing relationships but more specifically when a guy cheats or moves on to another relationship what makes her better than the previous girl? I was really trying to encourage Keisha because she had been in a relationship with this guy for forever and he decided that he did not want to be with her anymore and he moved on to someone else. The crazy part was that everything he was not doing in the relationship with Keisha he was doing with the girl and Keisha just wanted to know why. I began to share with Keisha my own story of dealing with the "Why Her" syndrome and some of the things that Jesus revealed to me when I was going through the same situation. As I'm sitting here typing this part of me just wants to stop and talk about something else because this is very personal story that I'm about to share and I'm imagining the things that people will have to say after reading this. However, as I said in my first entry I decided to share personal stories with you all in hopes that my readers will be strengthened in knowing that someone else has been through the same thing they might be going through now and if Jesus can bring me out he can do the same for you. So here goes.... 

Like Keisha (and a lot of other women I know) I was in a relationship with a guy that I loved (as much as I knew about love then) and thought I was going to be with forever. We discussed marriage and children and spending the rest of our lives together but very unexpectedly the day came where he said it was over he was not in love anymore (well I still loved him but I guess he did not love me anymore). Needless to say I was beyond hurt and I just did not understand what was going on. I mean I had given everything to this person, I would have done anything for him, I had tried to show him in every way that I knew how that I loved him but in the end it was just not enough. I felt just like the Monica song "Did I get on your nerves? Did I give you too much that you couldn't handle my love?" I just wanted to know why?

I did not realize it then but this did a number on my self esteem. In looking back it literally destroyed my self esteem because I began to question everything about myself which caused me to be stuck in a constant state of wondering what it was I had done wrong and what I could do to make things right again. Not one time did I consider the fact that maybe we were not meant to be or that it was his fault. I just constantly tried to figure out what I had done wrong. They "Why Her" syndrome kicked in when I discovered that he was dating someone else. I found myself comparing every aspect of my life to hers. In my head I was thinking what does he see in her? I'm prettier than her, smarter than her, more mature than her, dress better than her, just over all BETTER than her. It never crossed my mind that this had anything to do with my self esteem. Honestly, I never thought that pretty girls could have self esteem issues but God showed me that if the way you think you look on the outside is not matching up with the way you are feeling on the inside than you most certainly can have self esteem issues no matter who you are and how you look on the outside.

Unfortunately for me those self esteem issues carried over into my next relationship and after a while I completely lost myself and who I was. I looked in the mirror everyday and wondered who this girl was that I had become and how did she get there. Although, I was a bit shy growing up I always knew who I was and I did not know that anymore. I had lost that confidence that I once had. I remember not wanting to go to church or pray because I was just ashamed of the person I had become. Here I was a beautiful girl in law school accomplishing something that very few people dream of but stuck in love with a man that no longer wanted to be with me. Despite all of this one advantage I had in this situation was a praying mother. I remember my mom calling me one day and she just began to encourage me  and I knew that it was Jesus telling her to tell me just what I need to hear. Despite my insecurities God began to show me how He sees me instead of how I saw myself. My mom always spoke Proverbs 31 over my life and Jesus began to reveal that woman to me. Jesus told me to stop comparing myself to "her" and wondering because He intentionally made us two very different people and there was no need for any sort of comparison. He took me to scripture and showed me the different women in the bible who he had blessed and He said to me that He thinks of me the same way He thought of them and if He blessed them he would bless me also. Jesus gave Leah a husband when she thought no one would ever want to marry her, He gave Sarah a baby when she thought she was too old to have children, He gave Ruth love again after she never thought she would find it after her husband died, He made Esther queen in a time when her people were suppose to be destroyed.

So ladies it is time out for wondering "Why Her" and time to start thanking Jesus that it is her and not you. Quit worrying about them living a happily ever after and start thanking Jesus for the happily ever after He has in store for you. We must truly and without a doubt believe that if we are God's children than He wants the very best for us and when He closes one door He will surely open another. The one thing that I have learned is to no longer dwell on why a relationship did not work or why a guy was a complete douche bag from the beginning because the answer is simple he was just not God's will for my life and I encourage you all to do the same. You will be surprise how much less heartbreak and heartache you can be saved from and how quickly you are able to recover if you simply seek God's will for your life and not your own. Look in the mirror everyday and see yourself as God see you because His opinion is the only one that truly matters. Remember the first person that Jesus revealed himself to after His resurrection was Mary Magdalene a woman from whom he had cast out seven demons and Rahab (the harlot) is listed in Hebrews 11 in the wall a faith. So the next time you want to question "Why Her?" shout "THANK YOU JESUS FOR RESCUING ME!!!"

Tune it next time to see what lies Beyond The Pretty!!          

High Standards

This is one of my most intimate posts yet, but as I have said before I am more than willing to share the most intimate parts of me if it means helping someone else. So here goes nothing.

I have often be criticized for having "very high standards." People that I thought knew me best have said to me that I need to lower my expectations when it comes to a mate. In the last week alone I have been called shallow because I will not date a man that does not have job, is not career oriented, and that does not have a clear plan for his future. I believe that most of this criticism stems from a relationship I had in the past. Yes it is true that I dated a guy with "status", but people have chosen to forget that I was with him, before the "status" came and would have been with him if it had never come. However, despite what I know to be true, I have still struggled with this issue and have often questioned myself and really entertained the idea of maybe lowering my standards. I really considered this after having a conversation with one of my best friends. Apparently, one of our other friends felt that I don't "work with guys" and that any guy I meet I expect him to be already together with a six figure salary. I admit upon hearing this my blood began to boil and I got really upset. I thought that this was one of the people that always had my back when others criticized me in this area. But before I said anything I stopped and gathered my thoughts and proceeded to explain why my standards are so high.

I explained to her that when I made the decision to give my life to Christ I became a joint heir with Christ meaning that EVERYTHING that God would share with Christ he would share with me. This further meant that I should look to the Bible for guidance in EVERY area of my life especially when it comes to what I should expect from a mate. Notice that I used the word expect instead of looked for because I would be out of order if I was out looking and searching for a mate because the Bible declares that when a man FINDS a wife he FINDS a good thing. I gained this knowledge not through self but by praying and reading the Bible. Although Jesus never married He was and is the ultimate example of what EVERY woman (not just myself) should expect from a man, but you can read my previous entry to get that information.

Proverbs 31discuses a wife of noble character and sets the standard for what EVERY woman should aspire to be. It starts by first letting a woman know her worth (if you do not know your worth you will not know what to expect). It then begins to discuss how a woman is a man's most precious asset, he depends on her and trusts her and she is good to him. (Right about now everything should start to come into perspective for you as to what a woman should expect from a man if he expects all these things from her.) If you skip down a couple verses to verse 23 it tells us that a Prover 31 Woman's husband is a well-known and respected leader in the city (light bulb I should be expecting a man that is well-known and respected in the city.)

I explained to my friend that I have come to realize that sometime we as women feel like we have to lower our expectations when it comes to a mate. I really am not sure where this mentality has come from but its a popular saying amongst black women that all the black men are either broke, in jail, married or gay. So when we meet someone that meets half of whats on the list (your list not God's list) than JACKPOT. But ladies I beg to differ, there are certain things that God  expects from a man and as such if you are a woman of God you should too. Let me put it like this, if you have not settled and have refused to settle in other areas of your life stop feeling the need to lower your expectations when it comes to relationships. You would never say "well she did my hair half right so I'll pay her" or "this outfit is okay so I'll buy it." Therefore, you should not lower your standards when it comes to a relationship.

I then went on to explain to my friend that I have worked EXTREMELY hard to get to where I am and have NEVER settled for mediocre before. As such, when I meet a man I expect for him to have worked equally as hard to get to where he is. Therefore if I meet a man who is around my age or older that does not know what he wants in life or that does not have a solid plan in place (and working on it) to get to for where he wants to be then I know (because of the things God has revealed to me) that he IS NOT God's will for my life so NO WE CAN NOT date sorry (you should NEVER date someone who you know is not God's will for your life it can have dangerous consequences.).

Allow me to give you an example of what happens when a woman gets anxious and chooses to lower her standards instead of believing God for exactly what she asked for. In Genesis 16 Sarah became tired of waiting for God to bless her husband with the son He had promised to him so she took matters into her own hands. Sarah gave her servant  Hagar to her husband. Not long after her servant became pregnant Sarah became extremely jealous forcing Abraham to choose between his son and his wife. You see God had an appointed time for when Sarah would bear Abraham's chosen son, but Sarah chose to lower her expectations and have a child through surrogacy rather than waiting to bare her own.

So you see it is not me that has "high standards" but God himself has set high standards for His chosen people. By God's standards I should be expecting a mate that know's I am far more precious than rubies, that  has full confidence in me, that lacks nothing of value, that is well-known and respected in the city, that is a provider, that loves me as Christ loves the church, and that knows that there a plenty of good woman out there but he regards me as being the best one for him. These are standards that are set by God, therefore if a man lacks any of these when he attempts to date me than it immediately tells me the this man IS NOT God's will for Alkeyvia's life. I am patiently awaiting an praying for my Boaz and ladies you should too.

L O V E

Now that the dust has settled and hoopla of Valentines Day has passed lets talk about being finding love and being loved more than just one day a year. I woke up on Valentines Day with joy this year. I was not sad or depressed that I would be spending the day alone and at school. But I was overwhelmed with a sense of joy knowing that SOON I would be spending this day with a man God created especially for me!! Now that joy did not happen over night as most things in life. During my daily devotion that day with the Lord he reminded me of some of the things that he has shown me over the years in relation to love and relationships and I am going to share them with you.

After breaking up with my boyfriend of three years I really begin to seek God's will for my life in the relationship department. This took me on a journey of self evaluation and rediscovery. I knew that I was not the woman I or God wanted me to be and therefore could not be the woman any man would needed to be. Let me admit that this was a hard thing for me to do because for me because it meant taking a long looking beyond the pretty in order to CORRECT the changes that God was showing me and ACCEPTING those thing that God created in me that made me special. Throughout this process my prayer was also that God would show me what it means to truly love and what it meant to be a wife and what I should expect from a man. The very first thing God revealed to me was that marriage was a foundation built by God and was very sacred and the foundation that everything else on the earth was built upon. He then begin to show me His will for his children. He showed me that He has always given his children the VERY BEST and that is what we should EXPECT in Life if we are His children.

The bible says that a MAN should love his WIFE as Christ loves the church. When I thought about this I was amazed because I know how much Christ loves the Church. Christ died for the church which is the ultimate showing of LOVE. Outside of my mother and my three older brothers I can not think of anyone that would lay down their life for me, but this is exactly what Christ did for the church. Immediately like any other time I'm talking with the Lord, doubt attempted to creep in and I asked myself "Keyvi is it really realistic to hold a MAN to that high of a standard?" And God immediately began to correct me and explain to me that the standard is really was not set high if a person is guided by the Spirit, but through natural eyes it would seem insurmountable. God began to show me in laymen's terms that this Love that a MAN should have for his wife is very achievable and we as women should not wish for it, but EXPECT it from a MAN. He revealed to me that Christ was MAN and that he displayed this LOVE EVERYDAY of his life. Christ NEVER LIED to the Church he was very truthful with them in loving way. Christ NEVER CHEATED on the Church in fact he was more FAITHFUL to the Church than the Church was to him. Christ NEVER PLAYED GAMES with the Church breaking hearts along the way, instead Christ came so that broken hearts could be mended. Christ ALWAYS FORGAVE the Church no matter what they did to him including putting Him to Death. Christ also PROVIDED for the Church and never allowed the Church to go without anything.

Therefore, if Christ displayed the true essence of a MAN and HUSBAND (Yes Christ was also MARRIED to the Church) than why is it that we as women (or men) are willing to accept less than the example set by Christ. Part of the reason is that we believe that if we tell a man (or woman) what we truly want they will leave us and the other part is that we have truly been tricked by the enemy into allowing ourselves to believe that there just are not that many GOOD MEN in the world anymore so we have to take what we can get. Ladies (and Gentlemen) I'm here to tell you that this could  not be farther from the truth. Ladies (and Gentlemen) if boy (or girl) (sorry he/she does not deserve the title of a man/woman) is willing to leave you because you know who you are in Christ and what Christ says you DESERVE than he is not God"s will for you and you should be the one running from him. Quit lowering your standards for someone that WILL NOT lower theirs for YOU!! One of the first and clearest signs to know if a man is God's will for you is to check and see who is doing the pursuing. The bible says that when A Man That FINDS a wife FINDS a Good Thing and receives favor from God. So Ladies if you are the one that's keeping the relationship afloat you might want to think twice about continuing in it because you are really out of order. The other most recognizable sign is if this person is not willing to commit to you and take you off the market. As I stated above, Christ is MARRIED and COMMITTED to the Church. From the moment he laid eyes on the Church He showed her and the world that she belonged to HIM. Jacob was slave to Laban foe 14 years just to marry the women he loved and thats the kind of commitment and devotion we should look for in a mate. And Ladies contrary to what we see on TV there ARE still GOOD MEN out there SEARCHING for a GOOD Woman, but you have to be patient and SEEK GOD in order for this man to FIND YOU and fellas you have to do the same. You have understand that if you are not in the right place at God's appointed time you WILL miss OUT and like Jacob you may have to wait another 7 years before you get another opportunity. Sit back be patient and let God do his job and stop trying to do it for him. It WILL get hard sometimes (trust me I know), but I have made up in my mind that I would rather spend my days alone and happy than with someone who is not God's will for me. I'm not saying don't date but be careful when you are doing so and more importantly stop giving up the milk to these boys that do not want to purchase the whole cow and fellas stop taking it when you know you have no intentions of making the purchase.

Seeking God is the first step to finding TRUE LOVE and the second is being WILLING to allow God to PRUNE and PREPARE you for that Special Someone that He has created just for YOU. You can not TRULY LOVE someone else until you have ALLOWED God to cleanse you of the PAST and show you how to LOVE YOURSELF!! And you WILL NEVER be able to set STANDARDS until you KNOW what you DESERVE!!

Until Next Time, Start Working on the YOU Beyond The Pretty and TRUE LOVE will follow!!        

Broken Systems

I told you all in my first post that through this blog you will get to see the many sides of Alkeyvia. I am also blogging for my Critical Race Theory class so I have decided to post my entries here as well. So for the next 8 weeks in addition to my regular posts you will get to see both the law side of me and my passion for children. 

Hope You Enjoy the Many Sides of Ms. Walker!!

For the last two years two things have been weighing heavily on my heart, the American Education system and theAmerican Criminal Justice system.

In grade school I had heard the story of Brown v. Board of Education and how it changed American education and nullified the separate but equal doctrine, but it was not until first year con law that I really began to think of the implications of that Supreme Court decision. I remember calling my mom after we went over the case in class and asking her how was it living during those time and all of a sudden being able to attend school with whites. To my surprise, although Brown was decided in 1954 and my mom not being born until 1959, she said that it was not until high school that she attended school with white students. She went on to tell me that she remembers still seeing white only signs throughout the city of Miami and around school as well. By this time I was not really understanding or comprehending for that matter anything that she was saying to me. I really think that I drifted away while flipping through my con law book trying to find the date that the Supreme Court decision that declared racial segregationunconstitutional and a violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment was decided. Once I got to the page and did the math I had to stop my mother and ask her if she was sure she was speaking from her own experience or my grandmother's. She assured me that she was correct and proceeded to finish with her story. After hanging up the phone I was completely speechless and somewhat dumb founded. It was at that point that I began to realize that although Brown was a very important case in American History the implementation of its decision was slow and the after affects were still lingering to this day, so much so that it has spilled over into the juvenile and criminal justice systems.

Growing up in inner city Miami I learned about the criminal justice system early in life (way too early if you ask me). The police was always in our neighborhood and I saw people (most young African American) men being arrested at least once if not several times a day. Since I was the youngest in the family and the only girl, my mother and older brothers attempted to shield me from a lot of it, but some days it was almost if not completely impossible to protect me from REALITY. The harsh realities of our criminal justice system really set in when I was in high school. My cousin who fell victim to the harsh inner city streets at a very young age was accused of 2nd Degree Murder. I remember sitting in the court room and hearing the State Attorney painting this picture of a person. Although he was talking about my cousin I had no idea who this person was. My cousin was not the person in the picture that he was painting. It was true that was living a life that would not be approved of by most, but I knew that it was not a life that he chose to live, it was life that he felt victim to. When the jury came back with the verdict my entire family live's would be changed forever. My cousin was taken away from us in handcuffs and his young life stripped away from himFOREVER. He would never be able to hug his mother again or be a big brother to his sisters or spend Thanksgiving with the family anymore. My cousin from that day forth would be known by a number instead of his name.

The two very personal stories that I have shared have shaped the way in which I view both the American Education and Criminal Justice systems. This blog will focus how the law has created a harmful overlap between the two systems starting with an overview of the way in which these two systems overlap with a discussion on the School to Prison Pipeline. I will then discuss the conditions of the American education system through a series of blogs that will focus on the periods post Plessy,  pre Brown, and post Brown and the affirmative action era. Following those entries will be an entry on the status of American education today which will lead to the. Finally I will conclude with a recommendation on what American needs to do to cure the harmful overlap between these two systems.